Best comedy movie quotes of 1983
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Cousin Vicki: I'm going steady, and I French kiss.
Audrey Griswold: So? Everybody does that.
Cousin Vicki: Yeah, but Daddy says I'm the best at it.
Michael: [At the wake.] Great tradition! They throw a great party for you on the one day they know you can't come!
Louis Winthorpe III: I had the most absurd nightmare. I was poor and no-one liked me. I lost my job, I lost my house, Penelope hated me, and it was all because of this terrible, awful Negro.
Little Girl: Sounds like a subdural hematoma to me.
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Oh, it does, does it? Well, it's not your job to diagnose.
Little Girl: But I thought.
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: You thought, you thought. Just go. Three years of nursery school and you think you know it all. Well, you're still wet behind the ears. It's not a subdural hematoma. It's epidural. Ha.
Yellowbeard: Dying's the easy way out. You won't catch me dying. They'll have to kill me before I die.
Donald: Well, I was nervous.
Jack: What about me?
Donald: Oh, come off it, man. You're so cool, you piss ice cubes.
Jack: It's a hereditary thing in my family, y'know. Uhh, nerves, colitis, y'know.
Donald: Colitis? Y'know, that must be horrible being a professional killer with colitis.
Jack: Yeah, that's what.
Donald: They hear you coming, don't they?
Humphries: All of us here at Schooner Tuna sympathize with all of you hit so hard by these trying economic times. In order to help you, we are reducing the price of Schooner Tuna by 50 cents a can. When this crisis is over, we will go back to our regular prices. Until then, remember, we're all in this together. Schooner Tuna. The tuna with a heart.
Rita's Father: Say, Denny. Denny, I'm sorry for you, lad. If she was a wife of mine I'd drown her.
Rita: If I was a wife of yours I'd drown meself.
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