Cousin Vicki: I'm going steady, and I French kiss.
Audrey Griswold: So? Everybody does that.
Cousin Vicki: Yeah, but Daddy says I'm the best at it.
Michael: [At the wake.] Great tradition! They throw a great party for you on the one day they know you can't come!
Emma Horton: Some people say Des Moines is the best city in Iowa.
Louis Winthorpe III: He was wearing my Harvard tie. Can you believe it? My Harvard tie. Like oh, sure he went to Harvard.
Betty: That's Yellowbeard.
Yellowbeard: I'm in disguise, you stupid tart.
Joel Goodson: Looks like the University of Illinois.
Jack Butler: Honey, you gave me some real good advice once, so let me give you some of my own. It's real easy to forget what's important, so don't."
Donald Quinelle: I'm sorry I'm gonna have to blow a large hole in your skivvy heart.
Townsman: I thought all this money would make me feel different.
Ross Webster: Congratulations, Gus, old buddy. You're going to go down in history as the man who killed Superman.
Man in Bar: Come on, damnit, we wanna hear a cluck.
Stroker Ace: Who gives a cluck?
Clifford Skridlow: Do you have any idea how college faculty members eat? On what we get paid, a free meal is like honey to a bear to these people! They're going to want to eat enough to hibernate on! They're animals.
Randy: That techno-rock you guys listen to is gutless.
Little Enos: I'd like to kick your ass.
Buford T. Justice: You can't kick that high, cricket crotch.
Dr. Frank Bryant: Found a culture, have you Rita? Found a better song to sing? No, you found a different song to sing, and on your lips it's shrill and hollow and tuneless.
Q: Welcome back, Mr. Bond. I trust there will be lots of gratuitous sex and violence occurring.
Maitre d': And finally, a wafer thin mint.
Dr. Necessiter's butler: Can I get you anything more, doctor? I'm about to retire.
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Really? You seem so young.
