Joel Goodson: Looks like the University of Illinois.
Service Manager: Who's the U-Boat Commander?
Joel Goodson: College women can smell ignorance... like dog shit.
Joel Goodson: You didn't tell anyone did ya?
Miles: No... Glen knows.
Joel Goodson: What about Barry?
Miles: He knows too.
Joel Goodson: Okay. Just don't tell anyone.
Joel Goodson: Some of the girls are wearing my mother's clothing.
Lana: What's wrong with that?
Joel Goodson: I just don't want to spend the rest of my life in analysis.
Lana: What if I said I'd be your girlfriend the next couple of days? No charge.
Joel's Father: Sometimes you just gotta say "what the heck."
Rutherford: You've done a lot of solid work here, but it's just not Ivy League, now is it?
Jackie: Hello, Joel. I'm Jackie.
Joel Goodson: Hello, Jackie. I'm not Joel. Joel stepped out for a moment. Hold on... I'll go call him.
Joel Goodson: It was great the way her mind worked. No guilt, no doubts, no fear. None of my specialities. Just the shameless pursuit of immediate gratification. What a capitalist.
Miles: I don't believe this! I've got a trig midterm tomorrow, and I'm being chased by Guido the killer pimp.
Miles: Sometimes you gotta say "What the Fuck", make your move. Joel, every now and then, saying "What the Fuck", brings freedom. Freedom brings opportunity, opportunity makes your future. So your parents are going out of town. You got the place all to yourself.
Joel Goodson: Yeah.
Miles: What the fuck.
Miles: Say "what the fuck " If you can't say it, you can't do it.
Lana: I'm really trying to be, friends with you. But, I'd appreciate it, if you'd stop lying these little judgments on me, while you're leaning on your daddy's $40,000 car.
Joel Goodson: You listen to me, buster. You, you a-hole.
Joel Goodson: I want my stuff back right now.
Guido: Now you listen to me, you little fuck. Not only you take my two best girls, you call me names. If I didn't have any self-respect, it wouldn't just be the furniture, it'd be your arms, your legs, your head.