Captain Chi: Who is laughing like that?
Jaws: Me, sir.
Captain Chi: Do you know what you're going to do?
Jaws: To laugh one thousand times?
Captain Chi: Police, shoot him dead.
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: I can't.
Fran: Can't what?
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: I can't inject you with window cleaner.
Fran: I don't mind. Hey, what does it do anyway?
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: It causes your brain to die last.
Fran: I don't mind.
Countess Chandra: Darling?
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Yes, my darling?
Countess Chandra: You're smoking the wrong end.
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Yes... I knew that. You don't have to tell me I am smoking zhe wrong end. Do you know why I am smoking zhe wrong end?
Countess Chandra: No darling, but I'm sure you've got a very good reason.
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: You're right! I am smoking on zhe wrong end, because I have a very good reason.
John Bourgignon: I'll just shut the fuck right up.
Salvatore Licuti: Let me remind you! This organization is like a... like a house. I'm a brick, he's a brick, and you're a brick. Remove one brick, one brick... the house falls down.
Joseph Rutter: If you're half the leader I think you are.
King Vidiot: I am half the leader you think I am!