Louis Winthorpe III: He was wearing my Harvard tie. Can you believe it? My Harvard tie. Like oh, sure he went to Harvard.
Billy Ray Valentine: Thanks a lot. How'd you like a stump up your ass?
Policeman: Strip, you little shit, before I tear you a new asshole!
Randolph Duke: That man is a product of a poor environment. There's nothing wrong with him, I can prove it.
Mortimer Duke: Of course there's something wrong with him... he's a Negro.
Even Bigger Black Guy: I mean you beatin' 10 cops? You putting a man in the hospital? How come I don't see no bruises on you?
Big Black Guy: Yeah.
Billy Ray Valentine: 'Cause I'm a karate man! And a karate man bruises on the inside! They don't show their weakness. But you don't know that because you're a big Barry White looking motherfucker! So get outta my face.
[Guys in cell are holding Billy Ray Valentine against the bars.]
Billy Ray Valentine: Back the fuck up! Back up! You know you're fucking with cell number four on the ninth floor!
Billy Ray Valentine: Is there a problem, officers?
[Randolph Duke grabs his chest and falls over.]
Stock exchange guy: Oh, Mortimer, your brother's not well. We better call an ambulance.
Mortimer Duke: Fuck him!
Louis Winthorpe III: They beat me up, took my clothes. Those men wanted to have sex with me!
Even Bigger Black Guy: It was a stone groove, my man! You are, the most, righteous.
Billy Ray Valentine: Yeah right, just get the fuck out, man! Let's go.
Billy Ray Valentine: Hey that's the motherf - I mean... that's the gentleman that had me busted.
Even Bigger Black Guy: It ain't cool being no jive turkey so close to Thanksgiving.
Mortimer Duke: This is an outrage! I demand an investigation! You can't sell our seats! A Duke has been sitting on this exchange since it was founded! WE founded this exchange! IT'S ours! IT belongs to US.
Clarence Beeks: Hey. Back off! I'll rip out your eyes and piss on your brain.
Mortimer Duke: I have no money to give you.
Todd: Looking good, Louis.
Louis Winthorpe III: Feeling good, Todd.
Harry: We, uh, need a fourth for squash today, Louis. Are you interested?
Louis Winthorpe III: No can do. I'll be having dinner with Penelope tonight.
Andrew: Oh, lucky you.
Louis Winthorpe III: It's not luck. Todd.
Randolph Duke: Money isn't everything, Mortimer.
Mortimer Duke: Oh, grow up.
Randolph Duke: Mother always said you were greedy.
Mortimer Duke: She meant it as a compliment.
Harvey: Monkey? monkey! I'm a fucking gorilla, you clown.
Baggage Handler #1: I'm dressed as uh, as a baggage handler.
Baggage Handler #2: You can imagine how embarrassed I was, when I saw someone at the party with the same costume I had.
Louis Winthorpe III: I had the most absurd nightmare. I was poor and no-one liked me. I lost my job, I lost my house, Penelope hated me, and it was all because of this terrible, awful Negro.
Answer: It's about nothing. The man is not exactly normal, and he begins a nonsense conversation with a very prim, uptight woman who looks like she should be anywhere but there.
raywest ★