Lawanda Dumore: I hate children. They ruin everything. If I had enough power, I'd wipe them off the face of the earth.
Commissioner Brumford: [On phone.] Hello? He did what? How many animals escaped? Oh, my god.
Frank: Hello, Commissioner. You're looking lovely this evening.
Commissioner Brumford: Do you realize that because of you this city is being overrun by baboons?
Frank: Well, isn't that the fault of the voters?
Frank Pesce Jr.: I wanna do something I never did before.
Frank Pesce Sr.: Oh really, then why don't you go upstairs and clean your fucking room.
Ninny Threadgoode: Hey Evelyn, somebody stole my house.
Ed Furillo: What if you don't encourage them, and they still come after you?
Mitch Robbins: It doesn't happen. See, women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.
Bonnie Rayburn: Good night! I'm going to bed.
Mitch Robbins: Good night! Sleep tight.
Ed Furillo: That was flirting.
Mitch Robbins: No, that was... Politeness. That was "have a pleasant and restful evening."
Ed Furillo: No, that was "I like your ass. Can I wear it as a hat?"
Pugsley: Are they dead?
Wednesday: Does it matter?
Topper Harley: My father used to say that not playing to win is like sleeping with your sister. Sure she's a great piece of tail, with a blouse full of goodies, but... It's just illegal. Then you get into that whole inbred thing. Kids with no teeth who do nothing but play the banjo... Eat apple sauce through a straw... Pork farm animals.
Thomas J. Sennett: Vada?
Vada Sultenfuss: Yeah?
Thomas J. Sennett: Would you think of me?
Vada Sultenfuss: For what?
Thomas J. Sennett: Well, if you don't get to marry Mr. Bixler.
Vada Sultenfuss: I guess.
Mr. Guttman: Hello, Dr. Marvin. The house looks good.
Mrs. Guttman: Burn in hell, Dr. Marvin.
Nancy Lee Nicholson: Is that a star?
Hank Gordon: No, that's Ted Danson.
Woman: What's a mother to do? Lazy brat sits in her room all day, sewing dolls. Children misbehaving in the basement! And one in the wall, doing his business God knows where. You kids will be the death of me... the death of me.
Bryan: I'd respect your privacy more if you weren't so secretive.
Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: Well I'd tell you more if you didn't want to know so much.
Elizabeth: Go away!
Drop Dead Fred: Go away? Why do you want me to go away? Fine! Say the magic words and I'll piss off.
Elizabeth: Piss off!
Drop Dead Fred: Ha! Gotcha. Those weren't the magic words.
Polly: What did you say?
Drop Dead Fred: She told you to piss off.
Fur Protestor: Do you know how many poor animals they had to kill to make that coat?
Margo Brofman: Know how many rich animals I had to fuck to get this coat?
Johnny: You're not wasting my time, I'm just cooling.
Madonna: I wouldn't live in Chicago cause it's too conservative, aside for the fact that Oprah Winfrey lives there.
Coach Rig: You go out there, you tear their fucking heads off and you shit down their necks! Let us pray.
