J.P.: Go suck a bug.
Minako: This is a nice place.
Chris Kenner: I built it.
Alley Thug: Wrong place, wrong time. Nothing personal.
Joe Hallenbeck: That's what you think. Last night I fucked your wife.
Alley Thug: Oh you did, hah? How'd you know it was my wife?
Joe Hallenbeck: She said her husband was a big pimp lookin' motherfucker with a hat.
Alley Thug: Oh, you're real cool for a guy about to take a bullet.
Joe Hallenbeck: After fucking your wife I'll take two.
George: Who presents this woman? This woman? But she's not a woman. She's just a kid. And she's leaving us. I realised at that moment that I was never going to come home again and see Annie at the top of the stairs. Never going to see her again at our breakfast table in her nightgown and socks. I suddenly realised what was happening. Annie was all grown up and was leaving us, and something inside began to hurt.
Daniel Miller: Is this Heaven?
Bob Diamond: No, it isn't Heaven.
Daniel Miller: Is it Hell?
Bob Diamond: Nope, it isn't Hell either. Actually, there is no Hell. Although I hear Los Angeles is getting pretty close.
Detective Mastrionotti: Started in Kansas City. Couple of housewives.
Detective Deutsch: Couple days ago we see the same M.O. out in Los Feliz.
Detective Mastrionotti: Doctor. Ear, nose and throat man.
Detective Deutsch: All of which he's now missin'.
Detective Mastrionotti: Well, some of his throat was there.
Detective Deutsch: Physician, heal thyself.
Detective Mastrionotti: Good luck with no fuckin' head.
Detective Deutsch: Anyway.
Splinter: You have youth, and I have experience. But only those who fight now have both.
Kate Sullivan: For someone who doesn't have anything nice to say about lawyers you certainly have plenty of them around.
Lawrence Garfield: They're like nuclear warheads. They have theirs, so I have mine. Once you use them they f - - everything up.
Driver: If there's no room at the Hotel Genius, I'll take a room at the Hotel Imbecile.
Al: Come on, what do I gotta do?
Patricia: You could crawl through broken glass on your hands and knees with a sign on your back that says asshole. That might get you in the door.
Nick Fifer: I don't know how our marriage lasted.
Deborah Fifer: Mutual death wish.
Rosalie: Hey, you got the elevator fixed, Frankie.
Frank: Hey, not for you, Rosie. There's still a one-ton load limit.
Harris: We've got sun, earth, and atmosphere, and when you've got that, you've got weather.
TV Play-by-Play Announcer: Welcome everyone to the Pontiac Silverdome, where the Green Bay Packers are about to take on the division-leading Detroit Lions.
Goddard Bolt: I did it! I did it.
A man sitting/leaning back, on a building.: Where did he do it? Not here, I hope.
Jack Gable: What are you doing here? I sent you to Cleveland.
Jack Gates: I should kill you for that alone.
Jason Williamson: You were in the marines?
Hollywood Montrose: Yes they were looking for a few good men and... so was I.
Ethan O'Fallon: Now look, Hallie, you can ask for toys, parakeets, hair care products, I don't care. But you may not ask for anything to do with interpersonal relationships! Got it? This is Santa Claus, not Dear Abby.