Harris: We've got sun, earth, and atmosphere, and when you've got that, you've got weather.
SanDeE: I don't put any pressure on you, do I?
Harris: Not at all... I don't pressure you, do I?
SanDeE: No, no, I just don't think there should be any pressure.
Harris: No. Tell me if I pressure you.
SanDeE: OK. And you too, but don't feel like you have to.
Mr. Perdue, Maitre D' at L'Idiot: Your usual table, Mr. Christopher?
Carlo Christopher: No, I'd like a good one this time.
Mr. Perdue, Maitre D' at L'Idiot: I'm sorry, that is impossible.
Carlo Christopher: Part of the new cruelty?
Mr. Perdue, Maitre D' at L'Idiot: I'm afraid so.
Harris: I call it performance art, but my friend Ariel calls it wasting time. History will decide.
Tom: I'll have a decaf coffee.
Trudi: I'll have a decaf espresso.
Morris Frost: I'll have a double decaf cappuccino.
Ted: Give me decaffeinated coffee ice cream.
Harris: I'll have a half double decaffeinated half-caf, with a twist of lemon.
Trudi: I'll have a twist of lemon.
Tom: I'll have a twist of lemon.
Morris Frost: I'll have a twist of lemon.
Cynthia: I'll have a twist of lemon.
Harris: SanDeE, your... your breasts feel weird.
SanDeE: Oh, that's 'cause they're real.
Harris: A kiss may not be the truth, but it is what we wish were true.
Harris: I could never be a woman, 'cause I'd just stay home and play with my breasts all day.
The Signboard: R.U.O.K.?
Harris: A sign spoke to me, said I was in trouble.
Trudi: If you're talking to signs, you are in trouble.
Harris: There's someone out there for everyone - even if you need a pickaxe, a compass, and night goggles to find them.
Roland: That's the difference between England and America. The English maintain civil relationships with their exes. Americans sue them.
Harris: If confusion about your love life is ruining your day, I think it's good to go over to your best friend's house and ruin her day too.
Harris: You know, you're really nobody in L.A. unless you live in a house with a really big door.
Harris: Why is it that we don't always recognize the moment when love begins but we always know when it ends?
Harris: Ordinarily, I don't like to be around interesting people because it means I have to be interesting too.
Sara: Are you saying I'm interesting?
Harris: All I'm saying is that, when I'm around you, I find myself showing off, which is the idiot's version of being interesting.
Trudi: He said it's the first day of spring.
Harris: Oh shit! Open season on the L.A. freeway.
Harris: So there I was jabbering at her about my new job as a serious newsman - about anything at all - but all I could think was wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, and most wonderful and yet again, wonderful.
Harris: Here, let me not drive for a while.
Sara: Why didn't you tell me you had just broke up with someone?
Harris: How do you know I just broke up with someone?
Sara: Because when men just break up with someone, they always run around with someone much too young for them.
Harris: She's not so young. She'll be 27 in four years.
