Commissioner Brumford: [On phone.] Hello? He did what? How many animals escaped? Oh, my god.
Frank: Hello, Commissioner. You're looking lovely this evening.
Commissioner Brumford: Do you realize that because of you this city is being overrun by baboons?
Frank: Well, isn't that the fault of the voters?
Jane Spencer: Oh, Frank, we're no good together. All you ever lived for was your police work.
Frank Drebin: And you're always busy trying to save the end zone layer.
Jane Spencer: Ozone layer.
Frank Drebin: [internal monologue] I couldn't believe it was her. It was like a dream. But there she was, just like I remembered her. Her delicately beautiful face, and a body that could melt a cheese sandwich from across the room. And breasts that seem to say "hey, look at these." She was the kind of woman that made you want to drop to your knees and thank God you were a man. Yeah, she reminded me of my mother all right, no doubt about it.
Captain Hocken: Frank, snap out of it. You're looking at her like she was your mother, for Christ's sakes.
Lt. Frank Drebin: This is Frank Drebin, Police Squad. Throw down your guns, and come on out with your hands up. Or come on out, then throw down your guns, whichever way you wanna do it. Just remember the two key elements here: one, guns to be thrown down; two, come on out!
Terence Baggett: What's that smell?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Oh, that would be me. I've been swimming in raw sewage. I love it!
Lt. Frank Drebin: Looks like the cows have come home to roost.
Frank: The truth hurts doesn't it, Hapsburg? Oh, sure maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with the seat missing, but it hurts.