Best comedy movie quotes of 2004

Mean Girls picture

Regina: I know she's kind of socially retarded and weird, but she's my friend... So, just promise me you won't make fun of her!

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Team America: World Police picture

Gary Johnston: We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are pussies. And Kim Jong Il is an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes: assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is: they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate - and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves... Because pussies are an inch and half away from ass holes. I don't know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know this: If you don't let us fuck this asshole, we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit!

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Anchorman picture

Ron Burgundy: I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal.
Veronica Corningstone: Really.
Ron Burgundy: People know me.
Veronica Corningstone: Well, I'm very happy for you.
Ron Burgundy: I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.

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Shrek 2 picture

Princess Fiona: Is that glitter on your lips?
Prince Charming: Mmm, cherry flavored. Want a taste?

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Napoleon Dynamite picture

Deb: What are you drawing?
Napoleon Dynamite: A liger.
Deb: What's a liger?
Napoleon Dynamite: It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed... Bred for its skills in magic.

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Shaun of the Dead picture

Pete: It's four in the fucking morning!
Shaun: It's Saturday!
Pete: No, it's not. It's fucking Sunday. And I've got to go to fucking work in four fucking hours 'cos every other fucker in my fucking department is fucking ill! Now can you see why I'm SO FUCKING ANGRY?!
Ed: Fuck, yeah!

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A Cinderella Story picture

Sam: Waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought, useless and disappointing!

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Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story picture

Peter La Fleur: Don't worry so much about this Amber situation. It'll all work itself out in the end.
Justin: Thanks, Pete.
Peter La Fleur: You'll laugh at this one day. I'm laughing already.

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Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed picture

Shaggy: We're gonna die!
Daphne: Think positively!
Shaggy: We're gonna die quickly!

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Ocean's Twelve picture

Linus Caldwell: What did I say?
Danny Ocean: You called his niece a whore.
Rusty Ryan: A very cheap one.
Danny Ocean: She's seven.

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Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason picture

Mark Darcy: Would you step outside please?
Daniel Cleaver: I'm afraid it's not possible.
Mark Darcy: Look are you gonna step outside or do I have to drag you?
Daniel Cleaver: I think you're gonna have to drag me.

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12

Saved! (2004)

Saved! picture

Mary: Mercy House is a place that deals with all kinds of problems, like drug addiction and alcoholism to de-gayification and unwed mothers.

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Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle picture

Harold: Dude, we're so high right now!
Kumar: We're not low!

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Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events picture

Stephano: I've been bitten forty-three...seven hundred times. Mostly on the face. A lot of this has been reconstructed but I think they did a great job even though my moustach is a tad askew.

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Eurotrip picture

Cooper: This sucks. I can't believe I'm the only one who didn't hook up while we were here. Europe is officially the worst country on earth.

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The SpongeBob Squarepants Movie picture

Mrs. Puff: We paid 9 dollars to see this?
Sandy Cheeks: I paid 10.

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Without a Paddle picture

[A big grizzly bear has just appeared from the forest and is standing right in front of Tom, Dan and Jerry.]
Dan: What are you doing?
Jerry: I'm taking off my shoes.
Dan: Why?
Jerry: Because I run faster with no shoes.
Dan: You can't outrun that bear.
Jerry: I don't have to outrun the bear. I just have to outrun you.

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Walking Tall picture

Ray: This place is full of fake tits and real assholes.

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oddy knocky
The Whole Ten Yards picture

Oz: What, no Jewish prayer before we have our ham and cheese?
Jimmy: You got a problem with my religiosity, Oz? Do unto others before you turn into a pillar of salt.
Jill: Exactly. Unless they're a rat. Then you can shoot them in the eyes.
Oz: A pillar of salt?
Jimmy: That's right. Moses said that. Read the bible, Oz.

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Bishop73
Layer Cake picture

The Duke: Don't you fucking talk to me like I'm some kind of mug. Don't you fucking talk to me like that.
XXXX: Duke, don't take this personally. It's business. Now, you want to know how much these pills are worth?
The Duke: Yes. Fucking. Please.
XXXX: Now just because you pay a fiver a pop down the local cattle market, don't, for fuck's sake, think these pills are worth millions. They're not. We've got to find someone to buy these pills and they've got to split them into parcels, of say 100,000. They've got to find these people. It's hard work.
The Duke: Oh, you'd give a fucking aspirin a headache pal.

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The Perfect Score picture

Francesca: You look like a slut. I like it.

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Around the World in 80 Days picture

Passepartout: I'm your new valet.
Phileas Fogg: Uh... I must commend the valet service on their impeccable foresight. But they know I only accept French valets.
Passepartout: Yes. Oh! Oui! Oui! I come from a long line of French valets. On my father's side. Very, very French.
Phileas Fogg: But your accent.
Passepartout: My father French. Never speak. My mother Chinese and never shuts up. All the children pick up her accent.

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Starsky & Hutch picture

Jeff: Who are you guys?
Hutch: My name's Kansas. And this is my little man, Toto.

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Quantom X
Wimbledon picture

Carl Colt: [Enters betting shop.] Twenty pounds to win, Ajay Bhatt.
Vijay: Hold on, isn't he playing your brother?
Bookmaker: You should be ashamed of yourself.
Carl Colt: Yeah, but curiously, I'm not.

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