Best comedy movie quotes of 2005

Grandpa Joe: Mr. Wonka, I don't know if you remember me, but I used to work here in the factory.
Willy Wonka: Were you one of those despicable spies who everyday tried to steal my life's work and sell it to those parasitic copycat candy making cads?
Grandpa Joe: No, sir.
Willy Wonka: Then wonderful, welcome back.

Nick Mercer: I'd rather fight with you than make love with anyone else.

Max: There is more to life than to watch other people live it.

Andy: I dated this girl for a while... She was really a... Nasty freak. She just loved to... Get down with... Sex all the time. It was like... Anytime of day... She was like, "Yeah, let's go! I'm so nasty! And I'd be nailing her and she'd be like, "Oh, you're nailing me! Cool!"

Gloria Cleary: Don't ever leave me!
Jeremy Grey: Ever.
Gloria Cleary: Good. 'Cause I'd find you!

Gwen Grayson: I went through puberty twice for this?!

Slartibartfast: Ever heard of a place... I think it's called Norway? That was one of mine. I got an award for it.

Harry: What?
Gay Perry: Talking money.
Harry: A talking monkey?
Gay Perry: Talking monkey yeah, yeah! Came here from the future, ugly sucker, only says "ficus."

Yia Yia: In this life, family is the most precious gift we are given, the most sacred. Turn your back on them and that is when you truly have nothing.

[The astronaut is throwing food onto the table.]
Danny: Are you doing this to keep Zorgons away?
Astronaut: No, I'm doing this because I've been eating paste out of a tube for fifteen years.

Pucci: Witchcraft!
Pucci's servant: Actually, sir, it's because hot air rises, counteracting the gravitational forces of... Witchcraft.

John: That's the second time you've tried to kill me today.
Jane: Oh, come on. It was just a little bomb.

Marty: The penguins are going, so why can't I?
Alex: The penguins are psychotic.

Barkis Bittern: Can a heart still break once it's stopped beating?

Myrtle: I found out a long time ago that God can take care of me far better than you can.
Madea: God takes too long sometimes for me, I got to get got then.

Firefly Scout: Den mother, you frighten me.
Shane Wolfe: Good.

Tim Avery: So that's why he can pee like that.

Lavender "Popeye" Wolfmeyer: People don't know how to love. They bite rather than kiss. They slap rather than stroke. Maybe it's because they recognize how easy it is for love to go bad, to become suddenly impossible... unworkable, an exercise of futility. So they avoid it and seek solace in angst, and fear, and aggression, which are always there and readily available. Or maybe sometimes... they just don't have all the facts.

Zoe Bloch: Well, well, well. If it isn't the Leaping Dwarf.
Nikki: It's the Jumping Shrimp, actually.
Zoe Bloch: Like that's a step up?

Al Giordino: Hey, you ever been after marlins, doctor?
Dirk Pitt: Oh, no, not the marlin story again, Al.
Al Giordino: Seven hundred and thirty-three pounds. Five and a half hours in the fighting chair.
Dirk Pitt: I thought it was 600 pounds.
Al Giordino: Hey! What did you catch that day? I can't remember anything at all.