Best comedy movie quotes of 2005

Grandpa Joe: Mr. Wonka, I don't know if you remember me, but I used to work here in the factory.
Willy Wonka: Were you one of those despicable spies who everyday tried to steal my life's work and sell it to those parasitic copycat candy making cads?
Grandpa Joe: No, sir.
Willy Wonka: Then wonderful, welcome back.

Nick Mercer: I'd rather fight with you than make love with anyone else.

Hitch: I just know that I want to be... Miserable. Like, *really* miserable. But hey, if that's what it takes for me to be happy, then... Wait, that didn't come out right.

Andy: I dated this girl for a while... She was really a... Nasty freak. She just loved to... Get down with... Sex all the time. It was like... Anytime of day... She was like, "Yeah, let's go! I'm so nasty! And I'd be nailing her and she'd be like, "Oh, you're nailing me! Cool!"

Gloria Cleary: Don't ever leave me!
Jeremy Grey: Ever.
Gloria Cleary: Good. 'Cause I'd find you!

Gwen Grayson: I went through puberty twice for this?!

Slartibartfast: Ever heard of a place... I think it's called Norway? That was one of mine. I got an award for it.

Helen: Orlando, what's going.
Orlando: I know you don't believe in fairy tales. But, if you did, I'd want to be your knight in shining armor. You've been through so much. I don't want to see you hurt anymore. Now I may not be able to give you all that your used to. But I do know I can love you past your pain. I don't want you to worry about anything. You just wake up in the morning, that's all you have to do and I'll take it from there. There's one condition. You have to be my wife.

Harry: Still gay?
Gay Perry: Me? No, I'm knee-deep in pussy. I just like the name so much I can't get rid of it.

Al Giordino: Hi! How are ya?

Tibby: Well, maybe sometimes it's easier to be mad at the people you trust.
Carmen: Why? Why is that?
Tibby: Because you know they'll always love you, no matter what.

Bo Duke: Luke, you manwhore!

John: That's the second time you've tried to kill me today.
Jane: Oh, come on. It was just a little bomb.

Pickle Factory boss: Writer huh? Are you sure?
Henry Chinaski: No, I'm not. I'm halfway through a novel.
Pickle Factory boss: What's it about?
Henry Chinaski: Everything.
Pickle Factory boss: It's about... cancer?
Henry Chinaski: Yes.
Pickle Factory boss: How about my wife?
Henry Chinaski: She's in there too.

Big Mike: Well, you wouldn't put a frock on. If you don't want to get off with blokes, why put a frock on?
Lola: Thing is, Mike, ask any woman what she likes most in a man. Compassion, tenderness, sensitivity. Traditionally the female virtues. Perhaps what women secretly desire is a man who is fundamentally a woman.

Marty: The penguins are going, so why can't I?
Alex: The penguins are psychotic.

Buck Cluck: You gotta be ready to listen to your children, even if they have nothing to say.

Barkis Bittern: Can a heart still break once it's stopped beating?

Emily Barnes: If there's anything that I know, it's that love is infinite. You can always make more when you need it. And just because you wanna give some to somebody else, doesn't mean that you'll take any away from me.

Servant Girl: My Lady says the pig must stay outside, but the animal, we'll take.