Diary of a Mad Black Woman (2005)

Helen: Orlando, what's going.
Orlando: I know you don't believe in fairy tales. But, if you did, I'd want to be your knight in shining armor. You've been through so much. I don't want to see you hurt anymore. Now I may not be able to give you all that your used to. But I do know I can love you past your pain. I don't want you to worry about anything. You just wake up in the morning, that's all you have to do and I'll take it from there. There's one condition. You have to be my wife.

Joe: Who dat is at the door?
Madea: Shutup Joe I got this.
Joe: I'm gettin' tired of all these people comin' ova here late at night, I'ma hafta put my foot down.
Madea: Kunta Kinte put his foot down and it got chopped off. Now shut the hell up and go back to sleep.

Myrtle: I found out a long time ago that God can take care of me far better than you can.
Madea: God takes too long sometimes for me, I got to get got then.

Madea: I remember this dude made me so mad, I didn't even know how mad I was until I went to his funeral.
Helen: Why were you so mad at him?
Madea: Because he hit me. Yes he hit me... and I didn't even know how mad I was until I saw him in his casket, he's 8 feet under.
Myrtle: 6 feet, that's how they bury people, Madea, 6 feet under.
Madea: That's what I'm trying to say, I thought I was over what he did to me until I saw him at the funeral, I was so mad I beat HIM down 2 more feet.

Madea: Rip it.
Helen: Rip it?
Madea: Rip it.
Helen: Rip it.
Madea: Rip it. Rip it.
Helen: Rip it. Rip it.
Madea: Rip it.
Helen: Rip it.
Madea: Rip it real good. Rip it.
Helen: Wait a minute. What is this going to solve?
Madea: Nothing. It's just gonna make you feel better.

Brenda: If I call the cops, they will be here in ten minutes.
Madea: Good. Then that give me nine to beat the hell outta you.

Brenda: I know Tae Kwan Do.
Madea: And I know whoop your ass.

Madea: Every time I try to read the Bible... and Jesus... the one with all the words in red... I open my Bible to that New Testimony and see all that red and I just give up. Jesus was talkin' way too much.

Joe: I've got Viagra.
Myrtle: Oh yeah? Well I've got mace.

Judge Ephriam: Brian, I am getting tired of seeing your aunt.
Madea: Getting tired of seeing you.

Helen: Women love hard.
Brian: And men don't?
Helen: Not like women do.
Brian: We may not love as easy but when we love, we love hard.

Myrtle: You know I know this man put a hurtin' on you baby, but you've got to forgive him. No matter what he done, you've got to forgive him - not for him, but for you.
Helen: Forgive him for me?
Myrtle: When some body hurts you they take power over you, if you don't forgive them then they keeps the power. Forgive him baby and after you forgive him, forgive youreself.

Helen: He put me out of the house.
Madea: Who house?
Helen: Our house.
Madea: Exactly, how's a man throw a woman out of her own house? No man would ever do that to me, he'd put me out half of the house, I'll go live in the other half.

Myrtle: You've got to stand on your own two feet.
Helen: I don't think I'm strong enough.
Myrtle: Of course you are, you've got the strength God gave all women to survive. You just have to tap into it.