Best comedy movie quotes of 2000

The Grinch: The nerve of those Whos. Inviting me down there - and on such short notice. Even if I wanted to go my schedule wouldn't allow it. Four o'clock, wallow in self pity; 4:30, stare into the abyss; 5:00, solve world hunger, tell no one. 5:30, jazzercize. 6:30, dinner with me. I can't cancel that again. 7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing; I'm booked. Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9 I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness. But what would I wear?

Chinese Food Lady: And then?
Jesse: No "and then"!
Chinese Food Lady: And then?

Doofy: Mom said that when I wear this badge you're supposed to treat me like a man of the law.
Buffy: Well, mom also said for you to stop sticking your dick in the vacuum cleaner.

Gerry Fleck: She had dozens of boyfriends,
Cookie Fleck: Hundreds,
Gerry Fleck: Hundreds?
Cookie Fleck: Yeah, hundreds.
Gerry Fleck: Well, I did not know that.

Yzma: That's it, Kronk! Break the door down!
Kronk: Break it down? Are you kidding me? This is hand-carved mahogany!

Jerry O'Neill: It's got nothing to do with me.
Jerry O'Neill: It all depends on the woman and how willing she is to discover her infinite supply of orgasms.

Babs: I don't want to be a pie! I don't like gravy.

Adrian: At the stroke of midnight, my father will be completely deteriorated, and all your souls will be mine. Soon you will see things more horrible than you can even imagine. [Looks into the crowd and sees Nipples erotically dancing.] Well maybe not that horrible, but still pretty bad.

Phaneron

Wolf: I get the feeling you still don't completely trust me.
Virginia: I don't trust you at all! You tried to eat my grandmother.

Rob Gordon: What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands, of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?

Billy: I don't want a childhood. I want to be a ballet dancer.

Sam Tiler: Jack was nimble. Jack was quick. Jack gouged eyes with candlesticks.

Dylan: And that's kicking your ass!

Janni Gogolack: You know I have this same car?
Nicholas "Oz" Oseransky: Really?
Janni Gogolack: No.

Mayor Bob McIntyre: You remember that night at my place? Trying to sort out the contract with that fella from NASA? 'What about this? What about that?' Two hours, and you finally speak. 'Gentlemen, this should be the contract. We agree to support the Apollo 11 mission.' That was it - one sentence. They couldn't believe it. It was a wonderful moment.
Cliff Buxton: But this isn't.
Mayor Bob McIntyre: No, this is a shithouse moment.

Cruella de Vil: Only two minions to abuse? Oh Jean-Pierre, the world is so unfair.

The Devil: I am the Devil! Satan, Lucifer, Beelzebub, the Prince of Darkness! Well, the Princ-ess of Darkness, anyway.

Isis: Hey! Enjoy the show?
Lava: Yes, were the ethnic festivities to your liking today?

Vianne Rocher: And these are for your husband. Unrefined cacao nips from Guatemala, to awaken the passions.
Yvette Marceau: Psshh. You've obviously never met my husband.
Vianne Rocher: Well, you've obviously never tried these.

Violet: Cammie, I think I just fell in love with you.
Cammie: Oh Violet, I'm not a lesbian. I played in the minors but never went pro.
Violet: That's not, what I meant.