The Grinch: The nerve of those Whos. Inviting me down there - and on such short notice. Even if I wanted to go my schedule simply wouldn't allow it. 4:00, wallow in self pity; 4:30, stare into the abyss; 5:00, solve world hunger, tell no-one. 5:30, jazzercize. 6:30, dinner with me. I can't cancel that again. 7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing; I'm booked. Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9 I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness. But what would I wear?
Doofy: Mom said that when I wear this badge you're supposed to treat me like a man of the law.
Buffy: Well, mom also said for you to stop sticking your dick in the vacuum cleaner.
Chinese Food Lady: And then?
Jesse: No "and then"!
Chinese Food Lady: And then?
Babs: I don't want to be a pie! I don't like gravy.
Arnie: A little flirtation is harmless but you're dealing with fire here. The fidelity bank and trust is a tough creditor. You make a deposit somewhere else, they close your account - forever.
Novalee Nation: What do you think? It took me a whole month to get back to my old size.
Thelma 'Sister' Husband: Oh, well, a little weight on a woman is no harm.
Pat Summerall: That's the second time tonight a Washington player's been knocked out by his own teammate.
John Madden: You know, there's a rule in sports, "Don't do anything great if you can't handle the congratulations."
Pat Summerall: There is?
John Madden: Yep.
Pete: I'll get tickets.
Natalie: I love tickets!
Virginia: "For seven men, she gave her life. For one good man, she was his wife. Beneath the ice by Snow White Falls, there lies the fairest of them all."
Gerry Fleck: She had dozens of boyfriends,
Cookie Fleck: Hundreds,
Gerry Fleck: Hundreds?
Cookie Fleck: Yeah, hundreds.
Gerry Fleck: Well, I did not know that.
Irene: So I smoked a little pot in college. What, is that a crime?
FBI Agent: Yeah.
Rob Gordon: What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands, of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?
Billy: So, what's it like, like?
Dad: What's what like?
Billy: London.
Dad: I don't know, son. I never made it past Durham.
Billy: Have you never been?
Dad: Why would I want to go to London?
Billy: It's the capital city.
Dad: Well, there are no mines in London.
Billy: Jesus Christ, is that all you think about?
Gwen Cummings: Don't be someone else's slogan because you are poetry.
Wardell 'Bubba' Owens: Get off the cross G.W. We need the wood.
Jeff Dearly: Look, I heard you the first time, Bobby. I ain't mute.
Kevin: I am not your slave.
Joker: Count my money or party with bitches. Hundred and fitties or big ass titties. Count the green or get in between those titties.
Memphis: The ladies are dirty. Walk away. The ladies are dirty.