Best comedy movie quotes of 2000

The Grinch: The nerve of those Whos. Inviting me down there - and on such short notice. Even if I wanted to go my schedule wouldn't allow it. Four o'clock, wallow in self pity; 4:30, stare into the abyss; 5:00, solve world hunger, tell no one. 5:30, jazzercize. 6:30, dinner with me. I can't cancel that again. 7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing; I'm booked. Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9 I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness. But what would I wear?

Chinese Food Lady: And then?
Jesse: No "and then"!
Chinese Food Lady: And then?

Yzma: That's it, Kronk! Break the door down!
Kronk: Break it down? Are you kidding me? This is hand-carved mahogany!

Gerry Fleck: She had dozens of boyfriends,
Cookie Fleck: Hundreds,
Gerry Fleck: Hundreds?
Cookie Fleck: Yeah, hundreds.
Gerry Fleck: Well, I did not know that.

Doofy: Mom said that when I wear this badge you're supposed to treat me like a man of the law.
Buffy: Well, mom also said for you to stop sticking your dick in the vacuum cleaner.

Babs: All me life flashed before me eyes! It was really boring.

Adrian: At the stroke of midnight, my father will be completely deteriorated, and all your souls will be mine. Soon you will see things more horrible than you can even imagine. [Looks into the crowd and sees Nipples erotically dancing.] Well maybe not that horrible, but still pretty bad.

Phaneron

Wolf: I get the feeling you still don't completely trust me.
Virginia: I don't trust you at all! You tried to eat my grandmother.

Rob Gordon: What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands, of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?

Jerry O'Neill: It's got nothing to do with me.
Jerry O'Neill: It all depends on the woman and how willing she is to discover her infinite supply of orgasms.

Dylan: And that's kicking your ass!

Janni Gogolack: You know I have this same car?
Nicholas "Oz" Oseransky: Really?
Janni Gogolack: No.

Mayor Bob McIntyre: You remember that night at my place? Trying to sort out the contract with that fella from NASA? 'What about this? What about that?' Two hours, and you finally speak. 'Gentlemen, this should be the contract. We agree to support the Apollo 11 mission.' That was it - one sentence. They couldn't believe it. It was a wonderful moment.
Cliff Buxton: But this isn't.
Mayor Bob McIntyre: No, this is a shithouse moment.

Cruella de Vil: Just a teensy, weensy heckle? You know - murderer.

Elliot Richards: Maybe I should call you a cab... Although it's gonna be hard to find one that'll go to Hell this time of night.
The Devil: OOOOOOh. What a delightfully piquant wit.

Billy: Just because I like ballet doesn't mean I'm a poof, you know.

Darcy: Remember: They give extra points for alacrity and effulgence.
Kasey: Did we bring those?

Armande Voizin: I've got something for you, boy. I've been carrying it around since your last birthday. It's a book of poetry.
Luc Clairmont: Oh. Thank you.
Armande Voizin: You don't like poetry?
Luc Clairmont: Oh no, no, of course. I do.
Armande Voizin: Neither do I. It's not that kind of poetry.

Rachel: Lil, do we serve water with our whiskey?
Lil: Only water I serve's got barley and hops in it. Hey everybody, do we serve water in this bar?
Everybody: Hell, no H2O.

Jack: Then I'm going to spend four hours skiing alone. Completely and utterly alone. I'm going to do that because that is my life, that's what's real... and there's nothing I can do to change that.