The Grinch: The nerve of those Whos. Inviting me down there - and on such short notice. Even if I wanted to go my schedule simply wouldn't allow it. 4:00, wallow in self pity; 4:30, stare into the abyss; 5:00, solve world hunger, tell no-one. 5:30, jazzercize. 6:30, dinner with me. I can't cancel that again. 7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing; I'm booked. Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9 I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness. But what would I wear?
Chinese Food Lady: And then?
Jesse: No "and then"!
Chinese Food Lady: And then?
Doofy: Mom said that when I wear this badge you're supposed to treat me like a man of the law.
Buffy: Well, mom also said for you to stop sticking your dick in the vacuum cleaner.
Novalee Nation: What do you think? It took me a whole month to get back to my old size.
Thelma 'Sister' Husband: Oh, well, a little weight on a woman is no harm.
Meg Swan: This? This is a fish. This is a fish! You know what? Just shut up.
Virginia: "For seven men, she gave her life. For one good man, she was his wife. Beneath the ice by Snow White Falls, there lies the fairest of them all."
Rob Gordon: What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands, of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?
Jerry O'Neill: It's got nothing to do with me.
Jerry O'Neill: It all depends on the woman and how willing she is to discover her infinite supply of orgasms.
Pete: I'll get tickets.
Natalie: I love tickets!
Jimmy McGinty: When the Washington Sentinels left the stadium that date, there was no tickertape parade, no endorsement deals for sneakers or soda pop, or breakfast cereal. Just a locker to be cleaned out, and a ride home to catch. But what they didn't know, was that their lives had been changed forever because they had been part of something great. And greatness, no matter how brief, stays with a man. Every athlete dreams of a second chance, these men lived it.
Babs: I don't want to be a pie! I don't like gravy.
Elliot Richards: But it's my soul! I can't give you my soul.
The Devil: What are you, James Brown?
Eric Matthews: Don't look at me like I betrayed you.
Gracie Hart: No, betrayal implies an action, you just stood there.
Soul Station Manager: Mr. Phelps, I see you've listed "dabut" under your hobbies?
Leon Phelps: Yeah, that's "da butt."
Indian Bartender: May those who love us, love us. And those who don't love us - may God turn their hearts. And if He cannot turn their hearts, may he turn their ankles, so that we may know them by their limping.
Joker: Count my money or party with bitches. Hundred and fitties or big ass titties. Count the green or get in between those titties.
Grandma Klump: Now that's what I call the Muy Caliente El Negro Special.
Cliff Buxton: Do you know what I thought when this first came up?
Glenn Latham: What, your pipe?
Cliff Buxton: No. The moon mission.
Glenn Latham: You beauty?
Cliff Buxton: I thought, imagine stuffing that up. Isn't that odd?
Glenn Latham: What?
Cliff Buxton: Well, that I was more scared than excited.
Glenn Latham: I don't think that's odd. I feel like that all the time.
Tony: Bed for the undead?