Lou Mozell: You know, that I actually met a girl by the name of Moo Goo Gai Pan? That was her last name. Her first name was Freida. Freida Moo Goo Gai Pan. She was half-Jewish, half-Chinese. A lot of people called her the Ori-Yenta.
Abbie: I have something to tell you.
Robert: Is it bigger than a breadbox?
Abbie: Heh, not yet.
Steerpike: Why is it that some people starve and others have so much they waste it?
Tigger: You can't bounce the bounce if you can't even pronounce the bounce.
Gordie Boggs: Hey kid! Move your fat head. I can't see the fight.
Sean Dawkins: Sorry, Uncle Billy said these were good seats.
Gordie Boggs: Uncle Billy sucks.
Sean Dawkins: Hey, Uncle Billy lost his right nut in 'nam.
Gordie Boggs: Well kick him in his left nut when you see him. These seats bite.
Sean Dawkins: If you only have one left, is it still your left nut?
Turkish: We've lost gorgeous George
Brick top: Well where'd you lose him? He ain't a set of fucking car keys is he?
Rubin: It's supposed to be a challenge, that's why they call it a shortcut. If it was easy it would just be the way.
Peter McGowan: Are you drunk or something?
Larry: What time is it?
Peter McGowan: Four.
Larry: Yep.
Florence "Chicklet" Forrest: I've never been to an orgy before. What do I wear?
Ann Black: And here's some hydrogen peroxide.
Joseph Turner White: I don't drink.
Ann Black: It's for your finger.
Sleep'N Eat: Years ago, I married a widow who had a grown up daughter. My daddy visited us often, fell in love, and married her. Thusly, he became my son-in-law and my step-daughter became my mother because she was my father's wife. That's right. After that, my father's wife gave birth to a son who became my brother and my grandchild, because he was the son of my daughter. I ain't jiving! Now, accordingly, my wife was my grandmother because she was my mother's mother. Mantan, I was my wife's husband and grandchild at one and the same time. And lo and behold, as the husband of the person's grandmother is a grandfather, I became my goddamn own grandfather.
Imogen: A little soul is necessary in life.
Minnie Mogul: Hey, how did that happen?
Fearless Leader: We're attached to the project.
Narrator: But even though the pun was weak, the contract was ironclad.
Charlie: I'm asking for an example of one of these dumb fucks being a dumb fuck.
Ape Boy: I'm wearing an ape suit. That means I don't give a fuck.
Walter: Do you masturbate, Russ?
Russ: Jeez, I've been so busy lately I barely polish my shoes.
Rusty Duritz: Holy smokes... 99 channels and there's nothing on.
Kate: I like being depressed. It makes me feel deep and introspective.
Cecil: There are no rules in underground cinema, only edges.