Miranda Frayle: I'm absolutely determined that the Countess of Marshwood shall be the longest, and greatest, role I ever played.
Felicity Marshwood: I do hope you won't find it too much of a strain.
Nigel: Mother.
Felicity Marshwood: I do know what I'm talking about. I've played it for years. I find it a good part, but technically rather exhausting.
Vanessa: I just wanna know where I belong.
Mona Hibbard: You belong in the family box.
Dot: The guys paid a dollars apiece to find out if you're single.
Lydia Callahan: Tell the guys I have five husbands, each one rich, mean and jealous. I'll be rotatin' them through on a weekly basis.
Dot: That line will be all over the valley by breakfast.
Lydia Callahan: Oh, just tell 'em I own a rifle.
Jim Grover: It's quints.
Steerpike: Why is it that some people starve and others have so much they waste it?
Peter McGowan: Are you drunk or something?
Larry: What time is it?
Peter McGowan: Four.
Larry: Yep.
Beret Girl: Max, Max, Max. Admit defeat, and defeat will surely admit you into permanent custody, my man.
Florence "Chicklet" Forrest: I've never been to an orgy before. What do I wear?
Dr. Anton Rudolph: You have no idea what you're up against.
Bart Parker: You don't know my men.
Dr. Anton Rudolph: This is not some garden snake you're going after. We are talking about a perfect killing machine. A 129-foot all-terrain vehicle capable of speeds exceeding 50 miles an hour with skin that can deflect an antitank round, enhanced night vision and a voracious appetite for human flesh. It will slaughter your men before they have a chance to blink.
Sleep'N Eat: Years ago, I married a widow who had a grown up daughter. My daddy visited us often, fell in love, and married her. Thusly, he became my son-in-law and my step-daughter became my mother because she was my father's wife. That's right. After that, my father's wife gave birth to a son who became my brother and my grandchild, because he was the son of my daughter. I ain't jiving! Now, accordingly, my wife was my grandmother because she was my mother's mother. Mantan, I was my wife's husband and grandchild at one and the same time. And lo and behold, as the husband of the person's grandmother is a grandfather, I became my goddamn own grandfather.
Charlie: So, you're going to dinner with both of them? The girl you like and the girl you slept with?
Oscar: Yeah, my dad's coming too.
Lily, Burnett Stone's granddaughter: Magic Railroad?
Mr. C. Junior: Whatever.
Tigger: You can't bounce the bounce if you can't even pronounce the bounce.
Imogen: A little soul is necessary in life.
Lou Mozell: You know, that I actually met a girl by the name of Moo Goo Gai Pan? That was her last name. Her first name was Freida. Freida Moo Goo Gai Pan. She was half-Jewish, half-Chinese. A lot of people called her the Ori-Yenta.
Noah: There you are again with those books! What is that?
Paul Tannek: Studying?
Jack Byrnes: What are you driving there? Ford?
Greg Focker: Yeah it's a Taurus. Yeah, we were going to get a mid-size, but I figure, hey, we pull down decent bucks. Might as well go all out, and pop for the full-size.
Jack Byrnes: Sure. Interesting color. You pick it?
Greg Focker: Oh, no, the guy at the counter. Why?
Jack Byrnes: Well, they say geniuses pick green. But you didn't pick it.
Ben: Are you gay, or are you just acting gay?
Robert: Well, that depends, are you interested are are you just acting interested?
Charlie: I'm asking for an example of one of these dumb fucks being a dumb fuck.