Arnie: A little flirtation is harmless but you're dealing with fire here. The fidelity bank and trust is a tough creditor. You make a deposit somewhere else, they close your account - forever.
Jack: I just want my life back, okay? Now what's it gonna take? You wanna talk turkey? Let's talk turkey! how much money?
Peter Lassiter: Old flames are like old tax returns... put 'em in the file cabinet for three years, then you cut 'em loose.
Jack: Because you thought I was cocky, I'm now on a permanent acid trip?
Jack: I'm sorry I was such a saint before, and I'm such a prick now.
Jack: Please just tell me what's happening to me in plain English without the mumbo jumbo.
Jack: Then I'm going to spend four hours skiing alone. Completely and utterly alone. I'm going to do that because that is my life, that's what's real... and there's nothing I can do to change that.
Annie: They did a pretty good job.
Jack: Who did?
Annie: The aliens, in the mothership. You look just like him.
Annie: Do you like kids?
Jack: On a case-by-case basis.
Annie: Do you know how to make chocolate milk?
Jack: I think I could figure it out.
Annie: Promise you won't kidnap me and my brother and plant stuff in our brains?
Annie: Welcome to earth.
Jack: I'm in the middle of a deal.
Cash: Well, you're working on a new deal now, baby.
Jack: You can't keep coming in and out of people's lives, messing things up. It's not right.