Dude, Where's My Car? (2000)

Chinese Food Lady: And then?
Jesse: No "and then"!
Chinese Food Lady: And then?

Mr. Pizzacoli: A trained dolphin could deliver pizzas better than you two!
Jesse: But then the pizzas would get all wet.

Chester: Is that a barn?
Jesse: Is it red?
Chester: No.
Jesse: Then it isn't a barn!

Jumpsuit Chick #1: If you are Jesse and Chester, maybe we will give you erotic pleasure.
Jesse: That's us!
Chester: Right here!

Chester: Dude, you just touched Christie Boner's hoo-hoo.
Jesse: Shibby!
Chester: Low five.

Jesse: I refuse to play your Chinese food mind games!

Jesse: I do not want to go down in history as the guy who destroyed the universe.

Chester: Who are you guys?
Zarnoff: My name is Zarnoff. This is Zabu, Zellnor, Zelbor, Zelmina, and, uh, Jeff.

Bishop73

Wilma: You'd better stay away from our boyfriends.
Wanda: You fake-breasted sluts!

Chester: How wasted were we last night?
Jesse: Well, I touched Christy Boner's hoo-hoo, were on the hook for two hundred thousand dollars to a transsexual stripper, and my car's gone. I'd say we were pretty wasted.

Jesse: Have you seen my car?
Christie Boner: Yeah.
Jesse: You have?
Christie Boner: Well, I saw the backseat.
Jesse: No, I'm talking about the whole thing.

Jesse: Dude, where's my car?
Chester: Where's your car dude?
Jesse: DUDE, where's my car?
Chester: Where's your car dude?

Jesse: Dude, this is an *emergency*!
Chester: So is this. It's a break-dancing stripper emergency!