Thornton Melon: Listen, Sherlock. While you were tucked away up here working on your ethics, I was out there busting my hump in the real world. And the reason guys like you got a place to teach is 'cause guys like me donate buildings.
Thornton Melon: Girls, this is Lou. Lou, these are girls.
Dr. Phillip Barbay: ...now, not withstanding Mr. Mellon's input. The next question for us is where to build our factory?
Thornton Melon: How 'bout fantasyland?
Thornton Melon: Please, try to understand. I don't have the background for this. I mean, the high school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity, he threw the teacher out the window.
Trendy Man: Mr. Melon, your wife was just showing us her Klimt.
Thornton Melon: You too, huh? She's shown it to everybody.
Trendy Man: Well, she's very proud of it.
Thornton Melon: I'm proud of mine too. I don't go waving it around at parties, though.
Trendy Man: It's an exceptional painting.
Thornton Melon: Oh, the painting.
Vanessa: Millicent, you look charming. I love your dress. Don't you, Thornton? It's such a lovely shade of green.
Thornton Melon: Yeah, if that dress had pockets, you'd look like a pool table. You should try my Tall and Fat stores. No offense.
Vanessa: I have absolutely nothing to wear.
Thornton Melon: You got SIX closets full of nothing to wear.
Vanessa: Are you saying I spend too much money?
Thornton Melon: You spend too much money? Nah. A lot of people go to Switzerland to get their watch fixed.
Vanessa: You have no taste, Thornton.
Thornton Melon: You're right. I married you, didn't I?
Lou: Come here. I want to tell you something.
Jason Melon: What?
Lou: You were pretty hard on your father last night.
Jason Melon: I know, but the guy doesn't understand.
Lou: I know your pop thirty years. He understands. He's a nice guy, and he's tough. Like me. I'm nice, and I'm tough. I'll give you an idea what I mean. My two boys, I put one through college and the other I put through a wall. Your papa loves you. He's lookin' out for ya. Look out for him.
Diane: Don't you ever read?
Thornton Melon: Read. Who has time? I see the movie. I'm in and out in two hours.
Thornton Melon: When's our first class?
Jason Melon: Uh, we got Economics tomorrow at 11 o'clock.
Thornton Melon: 11 o'clock? No good. I got a massage 11 o'clock. Tell 'em to make it 2 o'clock.
Jason Melon: No, dad. Uh, you don't get it. They're not gonna re-schedule the classes around your massage.
Thornton Melon: All right, 11 o'clock, but I'm gonna talk to that Dean. I mean, these classes could be a real inconvenience.
Vanessa: You're impossible.
Thornton Melon: And you're easy.
Thornton Melon: I hereby dedicate this building to... myself.
Diane: How would you characterize "The Great Gatsby"?
Thornton Melon: He was... uh... great.
Thornton Melon: I don't know. I can't figure women out. Today, they're... independent. They only think about themselves. Why, during sex, Vanessa - she used to scream out her own name.
Derek: That's Valerie Desmond. Look how tight her ass is today.
Derek: It's this whole stupid capitalist system, you know? It's set up to heap rewards on the advantaged and the aggressive... and to make sure that two regular schmoes like you and me never get a date with girls like Valerie Desmond. I hate the whole bourgeois mentality of this school.