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Meg Swan: This? This is a fish. This is a fish! You know what? Just shut up.

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Gerry Fleck: She had dozens of boyfriends,
Cookie Fleck: Hundreds,
Gerry Fleck: Hundreds?
Cookie Fleck: Yeah, hundreds.
Gerry Fleck: Well, I did not know that.

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Buck Laughlin: And to think that in some countries these dogs are eaten.

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Max Berman: I'll gouge your right eye out with my thumb, I shit you not, you little freak! Now, will you get down here? I'm gonna punch you in the eye till it turns to jelly! I'll stab you with forks till you bleed, how bout that?

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Meg Swan: We met at Starbucks. Not at the same Starbucks but we saw each other at different Starbucks across the street from each other.

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Buck Laughlin: Now tell me, which one of these dogs would you want to have as your wide receiver on your football team?

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Christy Cummings: We started this magazine, 'American Bitch'. It's a focus on the issues of the lesbian pure bred dog owner.

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Christy Cummings: It worked for my family... You know, until my mom committed suicide in '81.

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Scott Donlan: She looks like a cocktail waitress on an oil rig.

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Hamilton Swan: Don't look at the fat ass losers or freaks, look at me!

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Hamilton Swan: Honey, I'm thinking of switching to the mock turtleneck?
Meg Swan: Is that not breathing?
Hamilton Swan: Well, it's breathing now, but it'll be hot down there. I could go with the lambswool, but then again, you'll see a lot of khaki down there and this merlot looks good with the gray.

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