Jeff Dearly: Look, I heard you the first time, Bobby. I ain't mute.
Rona: Good luck doesn't happen to people like us. Good luck happens to Madonna.
Chief Wyatt Rash: My mother always used to say, "When life hands you potatoes, make potato salad."
Mona Dearly: Yeah? Well life handed me a pile of shit. What am I supposed to do with that?
Phil Dearly: Make shit salad?
Ellen: You're supposed to have that thing in your head that says, "BAD fucking idea, bobby!"
Bobby Kalzone: I do have it! It just didn't work.
Mona Dearly: Don't call yourselves BJ Landscaping. You don't want people to go around calling you "Blow Job Landscaping."
Bobby Kalzone: Mona Dearly's dead.
Bobby Kalzone: She's dead - It was just a - car accident.
Ellie: You gotta be kiddin' me. Well - We gotta celebrate.
Bobby Kalzone: Jesus, God, Ellie she's a human being. Have a little respect.
Ellie: I don't gotta have respect for no-one in that family. Think how they treated you.
Bobby Kalzone: How did they treat me?
Ellie: Badly, they're a houseful of freaks.
Mona: Why'de you pull us over Feege?
Feege: Oh let me think about that Mona, you're riding on rims and you pulled an 1107 on an officer of the law. What the hell is the matter with you son? (to Jeph).
Mona: What did you hurt him for?
Feege: He's drunk.
Mona: No he aint! Its OK baby. (to Jeph.) You're gonna pay for this Feege! You just lost your lawn service pal.