Best comedy movie quotes of 2009

Movie Quote Quiz
He's Just Not That Into You picture

Gigi: Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... It's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... Just... Moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.

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500 Days of Summer picture

Tom: It's these cards and the movies and the pop songs, they're to blame for all lies and the heartache, everything.

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Madea Goes to Jail picture

Dr. Phil: What is wrong with you? Why do you feel the need that you gotta "get" somebody all the time?
Madea: Well when you gettin' "got" and somebody done "got" you and you go "get" them, when you get 'em everybody's gon' get got.
Dr. Phil: Yeah but you're gettin' the gotters when they didn't do anything to even get you.
Madea: Yeah but if the gotters get me I'm gonna get my glock.

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The Hangover picture

Alan Garner: I shouldn't be here.
Doug Billings: Why is that, Alan?
Alan Garner: I'm not supposed to be within two hundred feet of a school... Or a Chuck E. Cheese.

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Zombieland picture

[Columbus sprays Tallahassee with perfume.]
Tallahassee: It's ok. But FYI, I beat wholesale ass for a lot less than that.

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Hannah Montana: The Movie picture

Hannah Montana: In my defense, I totally saw those shoes first.

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17 Again picture

Ned: It's a classic transformation story. Are you now, or have you ever been, a Norse god, vampire, or time-traveling cyborg?
Mike: I've know you since what, first grade? I think that maybe I would have told you!
Ned: Vampire wouldn't tell. Cyborg wouldn't know.

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The Proposal picture

Margaret Tate: I can't swim!
Andrew Paxton: Hence...the boat.

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The Invention of Lying picture

Anna McDoogles: I was just masturbating.
Mark Bellison: That... Makes me think of your vagina.

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Paul Blart: Mall Cop picture

Paul Blart: Safety never takes a holiday.

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The Pink Panther 2 picture

Inspector Clouseau: Let me bring you up to speed... We know nothing. You are now up to speed.

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In the Loop picture

Malcolm Tucker: Fuckety-bye-bye then!

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Up in the Air picture

Natalie Keener: He broke up with me by text message.
Ryan Bingham: Wow. That's kind of like getting fired over the Internet.

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I Love You, Man picture

Joyce Klaven: Peter always connected better with women.
Zooey: You know, I can see that because he is a great boyfriend.
Peter Klaven: Thank you fiancee.
Oswald Klaven: Also, you got to understand, Zooey, Peter matured sexually at a very early age. I remember taking him swimming when he was twelve-years-old, kid had a bush like a forty-year-old Serbian.
Peter Klaven: Oh come on!

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The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard picture

Babs Merrick: If he pulls this one off, I'll eat my own pussy.

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Black Dynamite picture

Patricia Nixon: Take your filthy black hands off the presidential dinnerware, you moon-cricket!

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Year One picture

Oh: I'm a virgin by choice.
Zed: Ha. Not your choice!

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Ghosts of Girlfriends Past picture

Connor Mead: Love is magic comfort food for the weak and uneducated!

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The Boat That Rocked picture

Angus: What about this? What about this situation right here? Can't fuck your way out of this one, can you Mark?

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Taking Woodstock picture

Carol: Everyone with their little perspective. Perspective shuts out the universe, it keeps the love out.

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Land of the Lost picture

Dr. Rick Marshall: If you don't make it, it's your own damn "vault." That's a bitch slap of truth right there.

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Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel picture

Alvin: Don't worry about picking us up after school, Toby. We'll catch a ride - IN A HEARSE!

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Jennifer's Body picture

Needy Lesnicky: I recommend you shut the fuck up!

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The Informant! picture

Mark Whitacre: Paranoid is what they call you when they want you to drop your guard.

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The Men Who Stare at Goats picture

Larry Hooper: Lieutenant Colonel Django used funds from the project's black budget to procure prostitutes...
Bill Django: That's a lie!
Larry Hooper: ...and to get drugs for himself and his men.
Bill Django: That... Well, the hooker thing is definitely a lie.

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Fanboys picture

Hutch: Nobody calls Han Solo a bitch!

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The Ugly Truth picture

Mike: You're all about comfort and efficiency!
Abby Richter: What's wrong with comfort and efficiency?
Mike: Well nothing, except no one wants to fuck it.

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Confessions of a Shopaholic picture

Rebecca Bloomwood: When I was 7 most of my friends stopped believing in magic. That's when I first started. They were beautiful, they were happy. They didn't even need any money, they had magic cards.

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Funny People picture

George Simmons: I'm surprised nothing happened with you and that girl.
Ira Wright: She told me she had a boyfriend.
George Simmons: She told me the same thing, when she was sucking my cock.

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Fired Up! picture

Carly: [introducing her boyfriend.] He's Pre-med at Illinois.
Shawn Colfax: Then why do you call yourself doctor?
Dr. Rick: Why put off the inevitable?

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