Zombieland

[Columbus sprays Tallahassee with perfume.]
Tallahassee: It's ok. But FYI, I beat wholesale ass for a lot less than that.

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Columbus: You see? You just can't trust anyone. The first girl I let into my life and she tries to eat me.

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Columbus: You know there's a place untouched by all this crap?
Tallahassee: Out east, yeah?
Columbus: Yeah.
Tallahassee: Out west, we hear it's out east, out east they hear it's out west. It's all bullshit. It's like you're a penguin at the North Pole hears the South Pole is real nice this time of year.
Columbus: There are no penguins in the North Pole.
Tallahassee: You wanna feel how hard I can punch?

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Columbus: The first rule of Zombieland: Cardio. When the zombie outbreak first hit, the first to go, for obvious reasons... Were the fatties.

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Little Rock: Who's Bill Murray?
Tallahassee: ...I've never hit a kid before. I mean, that's like asking who Gandhi is.
Little Rock: Who's Gandhi?

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Tallahassee: Time to nut up, or shut up!

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Tallahassee: Wow, these fellas really let themselves go.
Columbus: And they're so fat.

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Tallahassee: You're thinking about fucking Wichita. Wish granted, she spent the last twenty-four hours fucking us both.

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Little Rock: No! She's only famous when she's Hannah Montana! She's only famous when she's wearing the wig!

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Tallahassee: You got taken hostage by a little girl?
Columbus: She was like a crouching tiger...
Tallahassee: She's twelve!
Columbus: Well, girls mature way faster than boys. She's way ahead of where I was at that age.
Little Rock: Twelve's the new twenty.

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Tallahassee: Where are you, you spongy, yellow, delicious bastards?

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Little Rock: Do you have any regrets?
Bill Murray: Garfield maybe.

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Columbus: In those moments where you're not quite sure if the undead are really dead, dead, don't get all stingy with your bullets. I mean, one more clean shot to the head, and this lady could have avoided becoming a human Happy Meal. Woulda... Coulda... Shoulda.

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Columbus: When Tallahassee goes hulk on a zombie, he sets the standard for "not to be fucked with."

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Tallahassee: Sno-Balls? Sno-Balls? Where's the fucking Twinkies?!
Columbus: I love Sno-Balls.
Tallahassee: I HATE coconut. Not the taste, the consistency.

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Columbus: You're like a giant... Cock blocking robot, like developed in a secret fucking government lab.

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Columbus: Fuck this clown.

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Tallahassee: I'm not great at farewells, so uh... That'll do, pig.
Columbus: That's the worst goodbye I've ever heard. And you stole it from a movie.

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Tallahassee: I haven't cried like that since Titanic!

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Tallahassee: My mom always said I'd be good at something. Who would have guessed it'd be killing zombies?

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