Pug Rothbaum: I'd like everybody in the world to call me a cocksucker and give me a dollar. Because that way I'd be rich and everybody'd love me.
Meryl Morgan: Actually, I'm a member of peta. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.
Emma Wheeler: So am I. Except mine's People for Eating Tasty Animals.
Donnie: The Champ is going to kill me. There's no way I can get out of last place.
Tara: Donnie, he's not going to kill you.
Donnie: Didn't you hear? Last place is a broken rib sandwich.
Tara: Well, you see? Breaking your ribs won't kill you.
Lateefah: Aram, I know you took some women's studies courses in college, but other than that, do you have any kind of experience that you think might've prepared you for this job?
Aram Finklestein: Uhh... I used to buy tampons for my mother.
Lateefah: You... will fit in perfectly.
Horsedick.MPEG: When you give something to a bitch, they don't do nothin' but take. That's why I don't give 'em nothin' but the dick. 'Cause they can't take that away. You'll see. Tomorrow at the mansion I'ma run the train on seven, eight, nine, eleven o' them honeys! Ain't a Playmate there I ain't tagged yet.
Todd: See, here's the difference between you and me, man. Whenever I get the urge to get married, I grab my balls and squeeze 'em until I can't feel my legs, and then it just passes.
Steve Jones: I want you to come join me in the real world.
Kate Jones: This is my real world.
Philip J. Fry: Bite my shiny metal hat!
Tod: Mr. E, I talked to the lawyer guy upstairs and he confirmed my hunch, uh, about the whole stabbing of Mr. Whitefeather thing. It's a definite no can do from a legal standpoint.
Abby Richter: My cat stepped on the remote.
Mike: Well, be sure to thank your pussy for me.
Wes Wilson: I'll put in my next book. How does that sound?
Isaac: Like having my balls licked by a porcupine.
Oliver: Wow, from here it kinda looks like you're wearing a stryper T-shirt.
Bliss Cavendar: Stryper? Yeah, 80's christian heavy metal. I mean in the name of jesus we rock.
Therapist: It's like a little kid gets a puppy for the first time, just hugs it so much, snaps its neck. It's puppy cradle death syndrome. All that love is gonna snap that puppy.
Eric: I am not a man... I am Cantona.
Gavner Purl: There are no real generals left, hombre. You and I, we're the last of the Mo-Freakins.
Lem: Lem. Llllleeeeeemmmmmm.
Charles Baker: Either your name is Lem, or you want to mate with me. Houston, we have a little problem.