Ford Fairlane: 1969 Fender Stratocaster, original pick-ups, maple neck, strung upside down for a left-handed motherfucking genius, Jimi Hendrix.
Ford Fairlane: Clint Eastwood... I fucked 'im.
Ford Fairlane: I'm so terrific I have my own toll-free number: 1-800-UNBELIEVABLE.
Ford Fairlane: Un-fucking-believable.
Ford Fairlane: I could've been a rock singer, if only I hadn't been banned from MTV. Long story. But anyway, I only know that one song. Well, I do a mean "Puff the Magic Dragon," but only in the nude. Longer story.
Ford Fairlane: Excuse me, did I hear the f-word out of you? You say "fuck" again and I'll bang you right to fuck. Now get the fuck out of here.
Ford Fairlane: Hey, look. Write down my number: 555-6321 Got it?
Twin Club Girl: Yeah. Wait a minute. 555 is not a real number. They only use that in the movies.
Ford Fairlane: No shit, honey. What do you think this is? Real life?
Ford Fairlane: How much?
Ticket Guy: 300.
Ford Fairlane: 300? You charged the chicks one.
Ticket Guy: Hey, they blew me.
Ford Fairlane: Heh. 300 coming up.
Ford Fairlane: What's the definition of a vagina? The box a penis comes in.
Lt. Amos: Are you calling me an asshole, asshole?
Ford Fairlane: No, I'm calling you an anus, anus.
Lt. Amos: You think you are so hot 'cos you get in all the clubs, heh? Just because you have sex with great looking women.
Ford Fairlane: You got to admit those are pretty good reasons.
Ford Fairlane: I could crack my knuckles with more rhythm.
Ford fairlane/johnny crunch: Here's to you... suckin' my dick.
Ford Fairlane: You're 10 seconds away from the most embarrassing moment in your life.
Ford Fairlane: Johnny was the only guy who could out-disgust me. When we were kids we had gross-out contests. I coughed a pile of phlegm on a table, he said "Nice try." and pulled out a straw.
Ford Fairlane: Hey, great pipes, huh? I've heard cats fuck with more harmony.
Ford Fairelaine: What the fuck is mano e mano? use your head. Snappa Head.
Ford Fairlane: I almost shit a Miata.
Jazz: Well, that weekend was a mistake.
Ford Fairlane: Hey, look. I'm sorry I made you clean the toilets and the bathtubs, I mean, who did all the work in bed?
Ford Fairlane: I coulda been a fisherman. Fishermen, they get up, they fish, they sell fish, they smelt fish. Reminds me of this girl I used to go with, Yvonne, she smelled like fish.
