Jazz: Well, that weekend was a mistake.
Ford Fairlane: Hey, look. I'm sorry I made you clean the toilets and the bathtubs, I mean, who did all the work in bed?
Amiable Tourist: Excuse me! Could you tell us how to get to Mann's Chinese Theatre?
Ford Fairlane: Go back to Michigan, asswipe.
Amiable Tourist: Oh, we're from Wisconsin.
Ford Fairlane: Yeah, and I'm from my dad's penis. Get out of here.
Ford Fairlane: I coulda been a fisherman. Fishermen, they get up, they fish, they sell fish, they smelt fish. Reminds me of this girl I used to go with, Yvonne, she smelled like fish.
Lt. Amos: I can't believe anybody can have so much fucking fun in a funeral, Fairlane.
Ford Fairlane: What... you didn't really think we'd kill the fuckin' koala bear, now did ya?
Colleen Sutton: Nothing disgusts me. At the age of eleven I walked in on my father and the Shetland pony. Does that excite you?
Ford Fairlane: I don't know, I never met your father.
Don Cleveland: You got to shave before you leave the house in a dress like that... and I don't mean your legs.
Lt. Amos: See, that's the difference between a great investigator like me, and a piece of spam like you.
Ford Fairlane: Spam? You're a piece of spam. That's what I think of you.
Lt. Amos: No, I call you a piece of spam, 'cos that's what you are.
Ford Fairlane: Spam.
Ford Fairlane: Here's to you, Johnny. Sucking my dick. (toasting with Johnny Crunch at the radio station).
Ford fairlane/johnny crunch: Here's to you... suckin' my dick.
