Best comedy movie quotes of 1988

Roger Rabbit: No! Not my Jessica! Not pattycake! It can't be! It just can't be! Jessica's my wife! It's absolutely impossible! Jessica's the love of my life. The apple of my eye. The cream in my coffee.
Eddie Valiant: Well you better start drinking it black, Acme's taking the cream now.

Jack Walsh: Here come two words for you: shut the fuck up.

Beryl: Paranormal? Is that what they're calling your kind these days?
Otho: Don't mind her. She's still upset because somebody dropped a house on her sister.

Dropout #1: Hey, dweebs! Does mommy hold your dicks when you piss?

Elizabeth Farmer: I'm convinced that our marriage has been one of mutual betrayals. I know it! you know it! Even Yellow Dog knows it.
Andy Farmer: I know it and you know it. Yellow Dog doesn't even know what town he's in.

Billy: Here, take this. [Hands Josh a handful of money.]
Josh: Billy, where did you get this?
Billy: From my dad's top drawer.
Josh: You stole money from your father?
Billy: It's his emergency money.
Josh: Jesus, Billy.
Billy: Well what do you call this?

Young C.C.: Iris Myandowski is a hand-walking queer.

Willow: What are you doing?
Madmartigan: I found some blackroot. She loves it.
Willow: Blackroot? I am the father of two children and you never, ever give a baby blackroot.
Madmartigan: Well my mother raised us on blackroot. It's good for you. Puts hair on your chest. Doesn't it, Sticks?
Willow: Her name is not Sticks. She's Elora Danan, the future empress of Tir Asleen and the last thing she's gonna want is a hairy chest.

Jane: How about a rain check?
Frank: Well, let's just stick to dinner.

Prince Akeem: Fascinating! Semmi, look at this! America is great indeed. Imagine a country so free, one can throw glass on the streets.

Heather Chandler: Well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Teresa?

King of the Moon: I'm sorry. You must refer to me by my complete title: King of Everything. Rei di Tutto. But you may call me Ray.

Umpire: Call me a cocksucker again, and you're outta here.
Crash Davis: You're a cocksucker.
Umpire: You're... outta.
Larry: Whoa! What the fuck is that?

Brian: You're offering me a job?
Doug: Uh huh.
Brian: The waitresses hate me.
Doug: You wait till you've given them crabs. Then you'll really know hatred.

Bartender: He's been struck by lightning... how many times has it been now, Reg?
Reg: S-s-s-s-s-s-s-six.
Chet: Six times?
Reg: S-s-s-six-six-six-six-six-six-sixty-sixty-six times. In-n-n-n-n-n-n-In-n-n-n-n-n-n-In-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n the head.
Chet: Sixty six times? God, that's gotta hurt.

Dodger: You wanna leave? Fine! There's the door.
Einstein: But he just got here.
Dodger: Go on. No one's stoppin' ya.

Jack Trainer: You're the first woman I've seen at one of these things that dresses like a woman, not like a woman thinks a man would dress if he was a woman.
Tess McGill: Thank you I guess.

Megan Morgan: We need you, Harv. We Need a sheriff.
Harv: Go check the yellow pages.

Claire Phillips: Taxi! Can you get me to the IBC building in three minutes?
Ghost of Christmas Past: Which floor?

Farmer Gene Green: I don't know Pooh, you know there's something kinda peculiar around here.