Beryl: Paranormal? Is that what they're calling your kind these days?
Otho: Don't mind her. She's still upset because somebody dropped a house on her sister.
Jack Walsh: Here come two words for you: shut the fuck up.
Rev. Brown: I got a special treat for ya' this evening, a young man that you all know as Joe the Policeman from the "What's Going Down" episode of "That's My Momma." I want you to put your hands together, and welcome him to the stage. Big round of applauds for Jackson Heights own, Mr. Randy Watson, YES! Randy Watson.
Roger Rabbit: No! Not my Jessica! Not pattycake! It can't be! It just can't be! Jessica's my wife! It's absolutely impossible! Jessica's the love of my life. The apple of my eye. The cream in my coffee.
Eddie Valiant: Well you better start drinking it black, Acme's taking the cream now.
Heather Chandler: Well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Teresa?
Willow: What are you doing?
Madmartigan: I found some blackroot. She loves it.
Willow: Blackroot? I am the father of two children and you never, ever give a baby blackroot.
Madmartigan: Well my mother raised us on blackroot. It's good for you. Puts hair on your chest. Doesn't it, Sticks?
Willow: Her name is not Sticks. She's Elora Danan, the future empress of Tir Asleen and the last thing she's gonna want is a hairy chest.
Crash Davis: This son of a bitch is throwing a two-hit shutout. He's shaking me off. You believe that shit? Charlie, here comes the deuce. And when you speak of me, speak well.
Roman: I gotta go to the John, I'll be right back. Gonna introduce Mr Thick Dick to Mr Urinal Cake.
Tito: Hey, man, if this is torture, chain me to the wall.
Jane: How about a rain check?
Frank: Well, let's just stick to dinner.
Arnold Epstein: You're a witness. You're always standing around watching what's happening, scribbling in your book what other people do. You have to get in the middle of it. You have to take sides. Make a contribution to the fight. Any fight. The one you believe in.
Elvira: I'd bend over backwards. I'd bend over forwards.
Daisy: I fucked up.
Charles Gordon Windsor, Jr.: Yeah... but you gave it a 100% effort.
Kid: That's an iguana. It's real big lizard. You can eat it, but it tastes like shit. Right, Mick?
Otto: Don't call me stupid.
Wanda: Oh, right, to call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people! I've known sheep that could outwit you. I've worn dress with higher IQ's. But you think you're an intellectual, don't you, ape?
Otto: Apes don't read philosophy.
Wanda: Yes they do, Otto, they just don't understand it. Now let me correct you on a couple things, okay? Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not "every man for himself." And the London Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes, Otto, I looked them up.
Sadie Ratliff: You're in America now. Speak American.