Lou: I don't mind you hitting me, Frank, but take it easy on the Bacardi.
Ghost of Christmas Present: Sometimes you have to slap them in the face just to get their attention.
Earl Cross: All day long, I listen to people give me excuses why they can't work... 'My back hurts, ' 'my legs ache, ' 'I'm only four!' The sooner he learns life isn't handed to him on a silver platter, the better.
Earl Cross: Here Francis, I've got something for you. Merry Christmas.
Frankie Cross: A choo-choo train?
Earl Cross: No, it's five pounds of veal.
Frankie Cross: But Daddy I asked Santa for a choo-choo.
Earl Cross: Then go out and get a job and buy a choo-choo.
Frank Cross: We have spent forty million dollars on a live TV show. You guys have got an ad with America's favorite old fart reading a book in front of a fireplace!
Daughter: Mom, when are we gonna get a real Christmas tree?
Grace: When they're free.
Santa Claus: It's Lee Majors! The Six Million Dollar Man.
Lee Majors: Santa, is there a back way outta this place?
Santa Claus: Of course there is Lee, but this is one Santa who's going out the front door.
Lee Majors: Look, it don't matter a hill of beans what happens to me but the world couldn't afford it if anything happened to you. Now stay put.
Santa Claus: Oh that's very nice of you, Lee. And Lee... You've been a real good boy this year.
Mrs. Claus: Yes you sure have.
Frank Cross: I never liked a girl well enough to give her twelve sharp knives.
Frank Cross: We're gonna need champagne for 250 people, and send the stuff that you send to me. Don't send the stuff that I send to other people.
Claire Phillips: Taxi! Can you get me to the IBC building in three minutes?
Ghost of Christmas Past: Which floor?
Elliot: Hello, IBC program room.
Preston: This is Rhinelander. Who's the idiot that put that nut on the air?
Elliot: Oh, uh, Brice Cummings is the idiot, sir, but uh... he can't talk to you right now because he's sorta tied up. Uh-huh. Oh, in fact, he just said that you were a flatulating butthead?
Preston: A butthead?
Elliot: He said he never felt that way about a man before, but you really looked good in a suit.
Ghost of Christmas Past: Go back to Jersey, you moron.
Ghost of Christmas Past: Niagara Falls, Frankie Angel.
Frank Cross: I get it. You're taking me back in time to show me my mother and father, and I'm supposed to get all goosey and blubbery. Well, forget it, pal, you got the wrong guy.
Ghost of Christmas Past: That's exactly what Attila the Hun said. When he saw his mother... Niagara Falls.
Frank Cross: The Jews taught me this great word: Schmuck. I was a schmuck, and now I'm not a schmuck.
Frank: Honey, how many fingers does Mrs. Santa Clause have here?
Grace: Eleven.
Claire Phillips: That's the one good thing about regret: it's never too late. You can always change tomorrow if you want to.
Frank Cross: It's Christmas Eve! It's... it's the one night of the year when we all act a little nicer, we... we... we smile a little easier, we... w-w-we... we... we cheer a little more. For a couple of hours out of the whole year, we are the people that we always hoped we would be.
Herman: Boy, that Dick sure knows how to drink, huh?
Frank Cross: Why do you keep calling me "Dick"?
Herman: I'm sorry, Mr. Burton, I guess we don't know you well enough yet to call you Dick.
Frank Cross: Grace, put yourself down for a towel, too.
Grace: What about my bonus?
Frank Cross: Towel and a facecloth.
Answer: The Ghost of Christmas Future on the TV screen is part of the show they are filming, and the one in the elevator is the real one, so it would go without saying that they would be a little different.
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