Janet Colgate: Fellas, last year I made 3 million dollars, but your 50 thousand was the most fun. Are you ready? Then let's go get 'em.
King of the Moon: I think, therefore you is.
Mac: Are we limp and hard to manage?
Jefferson "Jake" Edward Briggs: And in the end, I realised that I took more than I gave, I was trusted more than I trusted, and I was loved more than I loved. And what I was looking for was not to be found but to be made.
Alice Baxter: Maybe now would be a good time to go over what you expect of me.
Tess McGill: I expect you to call me Tess. I don't expect you to fetch me coffee unless you're getting some for yourself. And the rest we'll just make up as we go along.
Vincent: Women love men who are mysterious and devious, keeps them on their toes, it excites them. You know what I mean?
Julius: No.
Vincent: You do like women?
Julius: Oh, very much so. They're strange and sensitive. They have compassion. I have the highest respect for women.
Vincent: You're a virgin!
Julius: That's private.
Vincent: A 230-pound virgin.
Elizabeth Farmer: I'm convinced that our marriage has been one of mutual betrayals. I know it! you know it! Even Yellow Dog knows it.
Andy Farmer: I know it and you know it. Yellow Dog doesn't even know what town he's in.
Kid: That's an iguana. It's real big lizard. You can eat it, but it tastes like shit. Right, Mick?
Ruby: Most people our age are a pain in the ass.
Bernie: Most people our age are dead.
Brenda: Joey, I'm not into dead guys.
Sadie Ratliff: You're in America now. Speak American.
Ernest: I have lived my life in the fast lane.
Farmer Gene Green: What in the blue blazes is the circus doing here in these parts?
Ty Webb: You know I'm always shooting myself with one of those poison-dipped, crossbow darts. I don't know why they don't put a warning on those things.
Sylvia Pickel: You're very brave.
Nick Deezy: Everybody looks brave holding a machinegun.
Wyatt Earp: It's all true, give or take a lie or two.
Art Ridzik: Captain Danko, congratulations. You are now the proud owner of the most powerful handgun in the world.
Ivan Danko: Soviet Podbyrin, nine-point-two milimeter, is world's most powerful handgun.
Art Ridzik: Oh, come on, everybody knows the .44 Magnum is the big boy on the block. Why do you think Dirty Harry uses it?
Ivan Danko: Who is Dirty Harry?