Peter Plunkett: All I wanted to be was happily useless, you made me miserably useless.
Garfield: Six must be my lucky number, because that was the life when I fell in love with music. I also fell in love with the girl who played the piano just for me.
Janis Zuckerman: I'm looking for a guy named Louie, fuzzy hair, crooked teeth, bug eyes. Has he been around lately?
Girl Punk: Suck shit through a tube.
Peter Loew: I'm a vampire! I'm a vampire! I'm a vampire.
Regine Dandrige: Let's talk about blood, Mr. Vincent, it's very precious to me.
Pop: That judge in the orange skirt... Make yer pee pee harder than a ten pound bag a' nickel jawbreakers, you know what I mean?
Wanda Saknussemm: Bitchin' left hook, Crassus.
Colonel: This is our coordinator, Maj. Murphy Black. Multi-decorated field officer, better known as "Killzone."
Mascher: Why do they have nicknames?
Colonel: You should know what the group is called. "BAM."
Mascher: BAM?
Colonel: Big Ass Motherfuckers.
Roadrash: Must have been a rowdy crowd tonight.
Daryle: Think of all the clothes I could have bought in Europe.
Billy: Ahh forget it. None of us speak European anyway.
Holmes: I couldn't detect horse manure if I stepped in it.
Mr. Bobrucz: You, Fifi, can take your French fruit and stuff it up your big bird.
Marshall: [as Charlie] She gets back this weekend. If we don't resolve this, I'll have to go back and live with her again. This is the woman I couldn't live with as a husband. Now, I'm going to be her son. It's a Freudian nightmare.
Albert: Jackson, why did you have to bring me along in the first place?
Action Jackson: You remind me of a old friend.
Albert: Then why didn't you bring your old friend?
Action Jackson: He's dead.
Albert: Damn, man why did you have to tell me that?
Art Ridzik: Oh, great. We got a pro basketball team coming toward us - with guns.
Ty Webb: You know I'm always shooting myself with one of those poison-dipped, crossbow darts. I don't know why they don't put a warning on those things.