Art Ridzik: Oh, great. We got a pro basketball team coming toward us - with guns.
Viktor Rostavili: We both have our codes, Vanya. Yours, one of the State. Mine, one of thieves.
Viktor Rostavili: I thought you might be more reasonable. Money has a way of doing that to a man. But no, I don't think so. Not with you. You are one of those types of Soviets who only looks forward to death. I know you well, Vanya. Without me, you don't even exist.
Viktor Rostavili: Any country that can survive Stalin can certainly handle a little dope.
Art Ridzik: About this pile-of-shit pimp in here. In this country, we try to protect the rights of individuals. It's called the Miranda Act, and it says that you can't even touch his ass.
Ivan Danko: I do not want to touch his ass. I want to make him talk.
Art Ridzik: You were talking to that jazzball so long I thought about having my head shaved.
Ivan Danko: It could be a good idea.
Art Ridzik: Captain Danko, congratulations. You are now the proud owner of the most powerful handgun in the world.
Ivan Danko: Soviet Podbyrin, nine-point-two milimeter, is world's most powerful handgun.
Art Ridzik: Oh, come on, everybody knows the .44 Magnum is the big boy on the block. Why do you think Dirty Harry uses it?
Ivan Danko: Who is Dirty Harry?
Commander Lou Donnelly CPD: Since I figure cops are cops the world over, how do you Soviets deal with all the tension and stress?
Ivan Danko: Vodka.
