Jane: How about a rain check?
Frank: Well, let's just stick to dinner.
Driving instructor: Now, Stephanie, gently extend your arm. Extend your middle finger.
Ed: Frank, they're not here for you. Weird Al Yankovic is on the plane.
Frank: I can't hear you. Don't fire the gun while you're talking.
Mayor: Entering without a search warrant, destroying property, arson...sexual assault with a concrete dildo.
Man in Stadium Crowd: Hey Look! It's Enrico Pallazzo!
Ed: Doctors say that Nordberg has a 50/50 chance of living, though there's only a 10 percent chance of that.
Frank: Wilma, I promise you; whatever scum did this, not one man on this force will rest one minute until he's behind bars. Now, let's grab a bite to eat.
Frank: Just think; next time I shoot someone, I could be arrested.
Mayor: Now, Drebin, I don't want any trouble like you had on the South Side last year. That's my policy.
Frank Drebin: Well, when I see five weirdos dressed in togas stabbing a man in the middle of the park in full view of a hundred people, I shoot the bastards. That's my policy.
Mayor: That was a Shakespeare in the Park production of Julius Caesar, you moron. You killed five actors! Good ones!
Nurse #2: Mrs. Nordberg, I think we can save your husband's arm. Where would you like it sent?