Rev. Brown: I got a special treat for ya' this evening, a young man that you all know as Joe the Policeman from the "What's Going Down" episode of "That's My Momma." I want you to put your hands together, and welcome him to the stage. Big round of applauds for Jackson Heights own, Mr. Randy Watson, YES! Randy Watson.
Clarence: Fuck you, fuck you, and fuck you! Who's next?
Prince Akeem: Fascinating! Semmi, look at this! America is great indeed. Imagine a country so free, one can throw glass on the streets.
Landlord: All right, here we are. There's only one bathroom on this floor, so you're going to have to share it. We got a bit of an insect problem, but you boys from Africa are used to that. And another thing, don't use the elevator. It's a death trap. This is the place I was telling you about. It's real fucked up. Got just one window facing a brick wall. Used to rent it to a blind man... damn shame what they did to that dog.
Prince Akeem: Is it just me, or does every woman in Queens have a severe emotional problem?
Queen Aoleon: Put a sock in it Joffe, the boy's in love.
Darryl Jenks: Wearing clothes must be a new experience for you.
Rev. Brown: He helped Joshua fight the battle of Jericho, he helped Daniel get out the lion's den, he helped Gilligan get off the island.
Saul: A man has the right to change his name to vatever he vants to change it to. And if a man vants to be called Muhammad Ali, godammit this is a free country, you should respect his vishes, and call the man Muhammad Ali.
Morris: His mamma call him Clay, imma call him Clay.
Saul: Then you're a putz. All of you are putzes. They should change the sign outside from My-T-Sharp to 'ze Three Putzes.
Prince Akeem: But it is also tradition that times must and always do change, my friend.
Prince Akeem: But how can a man get excited about a woman he's never seen?
Reverend Brown: Girl, you look so good, someone ought to put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit.
Semmi: Do you realise that I have not had sex since we got to America?
King Jaffe Joffer: So you see, my son, there is a very fine line between love and nausea.
Prince Akeem: I am Akeem.
Lisa McDowell: It's nice to meet you, Akeem.
Prince Akeem: I have recently been placed in charge of garbage. Do you have any that requires disposal?
Lisa McDowell: No. It's totally empty.
Prince Akeem: When it fills up, call me. I will take it out most urgently.
Lisa McDowell: That's good to know.
Prince Akeem: When you think of garbage, think of Akeem.
Landlord: Hey Stu, your rent's due, motherfucker! And don't be pulling that falling down the stairs shit on me, you hear! Are you conscious? Shoot, every month the same damn thing.
Prince Akeem: So, you would share your bed, and your fortune, with a beautiful fool?
Semmi: That is the way it has always been with men of power. It is tradition.
Rev. Brown: If lovin' the lord is wrong, I don't want to be right.