Rev. Brown: I got a special treat for ya' this evening, a young man that you all know as Joe the Policeman from the "What's Going Down" episode of "That's My Momma." I want you to put your hands together, and welcome him to the stage. Big round of applauds for Jackson Heights own, Mr. Randy Watson, YES! Randy Watson.
Prince Akeem: I am Akeem.
Lisa McDowell: It's nice to meet you, Akeem.
Prince Akeem: I have recently been placed in charge of garbage. Do you have any that requires disposal?
Lisa McDowell: No. It's totally empty.
Prince Akeem: When it fills up, call me. I will take it out most urgently.
Lisa McDowell: That's good to know.
Prince Akeem: When you think of garbage, think of Akeem.
Prince Akeem: Fascinating! Semmi, look at this! America is great indeed. Imagine a country so free, one can throw glass on the streets.
Darryl Jenks: Wearing clothes must be a new experience for you.
Rev. Brown: He helped Joshua fight the battle of Jericho, he helped Daniel get out the lion's den, he helped Gilligan get off the island.
Reverend Brown: Girl, you look so good, someone ought to put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit.
King Jaffe Joffer: So you see, my son, there is a very fine line between love and nausea.
Landlord: Hey Stu, your rent's due, motherfucker! And don't be pulling that falling down the stairs shit on me, you hear! Are you conscious? Shoot, every month the same damn thing.
Prince Akeem: So, you would share your bed, and your fortune, with a beautiful fool?
Semmi: That is the way it has always been with men of power. It is tradition.
Clarence: I met Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. one time.
Sweets: Man, you lyin'. You ain't never met no Martin Luther the King.
Prince Akeem: When I marry, I want the woman to love me for who I am, not because of what I am.
King Jaffe Joffer: And who are you?
Prince Akeem: I am a man who has never tied his own shoes before.
King Jaffe Joffer: Wrong. You are a prince who has never tied his shoes. Believe me. I tied my own shoes once. It is an overrated experience.
Prince Akeem: Is it just me, or does every woman in Queens have a severe emotional problem?
Clarence: Fuck you, fuck you, and fuck you! Who's next?
Telegraph Lady: You actually want to send this?
Semmi: Why? What is wrong? Read it to me.
Telegraph Lady: "To his majesty, King Jaffe Joffer, the Royal Palace, Zamunda. Sire, Akeem and I have depleted our funds. Kindly send 300,000 American dollars immediately, as we are in dire straits. Your humble servant, Semi."
Semmi: Semmi.
Telegraph Lady: Semmi.
Semmi: Should I make it 400,000?
Telegraph Lady: You think that would be enough?
Semmi: You are right. 500,000.
Telegraph Lady: As long as you're asking, why don't we go for a cool million?
Semmi: You do not think that would be too much?
Telegraph Lady: Naah.
Prince Akeem: Oha, it is my 21st birthday. You think perhaps just once I might use the bathroom by myself.
Oha: Most amusing, Sir. Wipers!
Saul: A man has the right to change his name to vatever he vants to change it to. And if a man vants to be called Muhammad Ali, godammit this is a free country, you should respect his vishes, and call the man Muhammad Ali.
Morris: His mamma call him Clay, imma call him Clay.
Saul: Then you're a putz. All of you are putzes. They should change the sign outside from My-T-Sharp to 'ze Three Putzes.
Prince Akeem: But it is also tradition that times must and always do change, my friend.
Prince Akeem: But how can a man get excited about a woman he's never seen?
Semmi: Do you realise that I have not had sex since we got to America?
Answer: Unknown since we can't see the denomination. But at least a couple thousand dollars.
MasterOfAll