Best comedy movie quotes of 2014

Anna: You're a good sheep farmer!
Albert: Oh my god, please! I suck at sheep. Louise was right, I can't keep track of them. There was a sheep in the whorehouse the last week.
Anna: Really?
Albert: Yeah. Wandered in there, and then when I went to pick it up, somehow it had made 20 dollars.

Harry Hart: There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.

M. Gustave: Well, what does it say? Where is it? What's it all about, damn it? Don't keep us in suspense, Serge, this has been a complete fucking nightmare! Just tell us what the fuck is going on!

Vitruvius: The Special has arisen.
Gandalf: Have the young man step forward.
Vitruvius: As you wish, Dubbledore.
Gandalf: I'm Gandalf!
Dumbledore: It's pronounced Dumbledore.
Vitruvius: Dubbledore?
Dumbledore: No, Dumbledore.
Vitruvius: I thought you said Dubbledore.
Gandalf: Vetruvius!
Vitruvius: Ah, we gotta write all that down 'cause I'm not gonna remember any of it, but here we go. The Special will now give an eloquent speech.

Michelangelo: What's up, brah? Oh, you think you can handle this, Huh? I'm a snapping turtle fool!

Fred: If I could have any superpower right now, it would be to be able to go through that phone and give you a big hug.

Harry Dunne: Whoa, Lloyd. Check out the hotties at 12 o'clock.
Lloyd Christmas: That's three hours away. Why can't I check 'em out now?

Tammy: That's not chicken. I don't know what it is, but it's not bird.
Keith Morgan: I can promise you that's 110% bird.
Tammy: Bird doesn't come out of a squeezy tube!

Quantom X

Will McKenzie: Meanwhile, I was chasing a girl I had recently fingered to sleep.

Lydia: Selfish people live longer.

Jenko: I'm your best nightm... I'm your worst nightmare.

Preppy Guy: I need a drink too. I'll get you a drink too.
Ellie: Honestly what if I enjoy the drink. What happens then?
Preppy Guy: I'd love to hear what you think happens then.
Ellie: I'll tell you what happens then we go play beer pong with your two roommates until I end up back at yours in Murray hill.
Preppy Guy: Yeah, that's right how'd you know that.
Ellie: Yeah then I have to listen to your roommate have sex with Hilary, or Emily or whatever the girl's name is, until we fall asleep. And then a year later we're still playing beer pong in the same bars with your friends except now you feel pressured to get married and have kids because you think that's what I want.
Jason: Then in the summers you drive up to the Hampton to meet his parents wondering the whole ride if they're going to think your pretty enough.
Ellie: Smart.
Jason: Wondering the whole ride if they're going to think you're smart enough.
Ellie: Because no one is and then we have to drink shitty chardonnay.
Jason: At a shitty garden party.
Ellie: And have shitty conversations.
Jason: About shitty people.
Ellie: With his shitty mother.
Jason: Who let's face it doesn't think you're smart enough.
Ellie: Pretty.
Jason: Let's face it, doesn't think you're pretty enough.
Ellie: Because no one is.
Jason: No one ever will be.
Preppy Guy: What's all that shit, I'm just talking about a drink.
Jason: Yeah, but it wasn't just a drink though, was it.
Ellie: It was a marriage proposal.
Preppy Guy: Woah marriage, nah. It was a vodka soda. Alright fuck you guys then [walks off].
Jason: Drink?
Ellie: Yep.

[Dominic puts his business card in front of the muppets.]
Kermit: Dominic Badguy?
Dominic: It's pronounced Bajee. It's French. It means "Decent Man."

Cinderella's Prince: I was raised to be charming, not sincere.

Jewel: We are not people, we're birds. We have to get out into the wild and be birds, Blu.

Father James Lavelle: I've always felt there's something inherently psychopathic about joining the army in peace time, as far as I'm concerned people join the army to find out what its like to kill someone. I hardly think that's an inclination that should be encouraged in modern society, do you?

Mac Radner: I'll call my mother she'll know what to do.
Kelly Radner: Do not call your mother! Jesus, you Jews and your fucking mothers.

Jon Burroughs: Wow, this is beautiful. What do you call it?
Clara: Stay away from my fucking theremin.

Kyle: Are you in a crack house?
Meghan: Yes! That's what I've been trying to tell you.

Stanley: All my optimism was an illusion.