Pete: Do you think maybe we've gone too far? I'm a child of divorce and I sympathize with them.
Teddy Sanders: My parents love each other, and I think it's hilarious.
Mac Radner: I'll call my mother she'll know what to do.
Kelly Radner: Do not call your mother! Jesus, you Jews and your fucking mothers.
Pete: He puts his dick in your mouth while you were asleep, bitch.
Assjuice: Uh-uh, I wasn't asleep.
Officer Watkins: You called about your neighbors?
Mac Radner: No.
Officer Watkins: We have caller ID, we're cops, everybody has caller ID.
Assjuice: Do you know how many bj's they promised me?
Assjuice: Infinite bj's. They promised me infinite bj's.
