Bette Altmann: Henry, what's going on?
Henry Altmann: We have to have sex, immediately! I don't have a lot of time.
Chrystal: What's the point in giving love if nobody gives it back?
Grumpy Cat: That's how we feel. Contrary to that sign on the door, we're not pets. I mean until somebody takes us home and loves us, we're just animals.
Zach Orfman: Oh, everything's great. Beth's alive and it was all just one big hoax. So, just forget about it.
Judy Orfman: Well, I don't think that's funny.
Zach Orfman: Yeah, well, I don't either.
James Payton: So, you Omar! Damn, man! You ain't what I pictured. You ain't nothing but a black dude. Probably from Decatur.
Bernie: I wanna talk to you, man. All that stuff that I was sayin' to you about her potentially being Alison? I didn't mean it, man. I'm seeing a difference in you. I feel like it's because of her. I'm kind of like, jealous, a little bit? I'm really happy for you, Danny.
Danny: Really?
Bernie: Fuck no! This is stupid.
Bruce: Synthetic, less friction means less blisters. Unless you like blisters. Who likes blisters?
Bruce: Pilgrims.
Bejan: Exactly.
Kevin: Okay, So here's the Plan... We take them inside, get their hand stamped and they can't get out. Like Shawshank Redemption.
Marco: I love it.
Kyle: Are you in a crack house?
Meghan: Yes! That's what I've been trying to tell you.
Pink Poodle: Kill me now.
Justin: I look like somebody hit me in the face with Lil Wayne.
General Dark Onward: Where did all these fucking boxes come from?
Professor Coreman: How many of us, I wonder, can recall that childhood moment when we experienced happiness as a state of being. That single moment of untarnished joy. That moment when everything in our world, inside and out, was all right. Everything was all right.
Glenn Kenneth: Please don't hurt me. I have two kittens.
Phillip Altman: Sometimes I think you're too good for me.
Tracy Sullivan: Don't be silly, I'm definitely too good for you.
Gordy McLeod: This morning I was thinking about Doug when he was Jess' age. I used to tickle him and he'd go, "No, no, no!" Then when I was finished, he'd go, "More, more, more, more!" Which sums up exactly how I feel about living.
Andre Allen: Fry or die.
Sir Lancelot: Sir Lancelot, at your service.
Teddy Roosevelt: Theodore Roosevelt, President of the United States of America.
Sir Lancelot: I have no idea what that means.
Dave Skylark: Aaron, are you inside the tiger?