Dean Wormer: Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life.
Melissa: Well I think I've had just about enough of this, thank you very much. I'll think I'll take my things and GET OUT. If you'll pull over to the side, I'm sure I can hitch a ride very easily... Weren't you listening to me? I said I'm ready to get out.
Rubber Duck: You want out? We're being chased. You want out? Jump.
Melissa: You want to add the Mann Act to your collection?
Rubber Duck: Mann Act's for 18 year olds, not someone who's seen the better side of thirty.
Perry White: I want the name of this flying whatchamacallit to go with the Daily Planet like bacon and eggs, franks and beans, death and taxes, politics and corruption.
General: You'd better bring a coat Mr. Richardson, there's a little Jap in the air.
Dr. Morrison: He means nip.
Sgt. Stedenko: The only kind of meat a priest could eat on Friday was nun.
Cholla: You Philo Beddoe?
Philo Beddoe: Do I know you?
Cholla: You're gonna.
Clouseau: Hey! Mamma Mia! Ho-ho! Spagettino to Al Pacino.
Marv Gomez: Dancing. Everything else is bullshit.
Lou Peckinpaugh: Did you ever stop to worry that I might have killed myself over you?
Marlene DuChard: And if you had, it would have been easier than what I went through. Sleeping night after night with a man I didn't really love. Feeling his hands on my skin. Watching me undress. Taking baths and showers with me. Making me wear all sorts of.
Lou Peckinpaugh: All right, I got the picture. I heard it. Let's go on to something new.
Diana Barrie: We should never have come. I never know how to dress in this bloody country. It is so easy to dress in England. You just put on warm clothing.
Gilligan: Hey Skipper, why don't you donate your pants? When they fill with air, we can fly to Hawaii.
Joe Pendleton: We don't care how much it costs, just how much it makes. If it costs too much, we charge a penny more. Would you pay a penny to save a fish who thinks?
Tony Carlson: I think we got off on the wrong foot.
Gloria Mundy: Yes, and it seems to be in your mouth.
Tony Carlson: OK, I deserve that. Listen, it's Gloria, right? You're a really nice girl and I'm a nice guy, and you're very pretty with or without cleavage, and what do you say... would you like to take a shower?
Gloria Mundy: I don't pick up strange men.
Tony Carlson: Well, that's your problem.
Gloria Mundy: So why don't you try it?
Kenneth W. Dantley, Jr.: 'Scuse me, uh, seventeen miles an hour?
Tico: Fifteen.
Kenneth W. Dantley, Jr.: On the in'erstate. What are ya doin', lookin' for a contact lens?
Tico: You patties crack me up. Still doin' your speed number, huh?
Kenneth W. Dantley, Jr.: Well what are you into, miles per gallon?
Tico: Class...we're into class.
Archie Macaw, Record Producer: Well, one day this rather odd chap hopped into the office. He'd been to see virtually everyone in the business and been shown the door. He asked to see MY door, but I wouldn't show it to him. Instead, he showed me the photographs and tapes of the Rutles. They were pretty rough, but they had something.
Narrator: What was it?
Archie Macaw, Record Producer: I think it was the trousers.
Maggie McKeown: That guard is still out there.
Paul Grogan: Fine, I need you to distract him.
Maggie McKeown: What for?
Paul Grogan: So I can get away.
Maggie McKeown: So you can get away? What about me?
Paul Grogan: Well suit yourself. Just come onto him, tell him what an admirer you are of Army or something like that.
Maggie McKeown: What if he's gay?
Paul Grogan: Then I'll go and distract him.
Jake - voice: My name is Zunar J 5 Slash 9 Doric 4 7.
Frank: Uh, Z-Zunar.
Jake - voice: ...Let's just stick with 'Jake', okay?
Emile Prevert: Why me? You could have Tom, Dick or Harry.
Emmannuelle Prevert: I don't want Tom or Harry.