Dale Doback: Oprah, Barbra Walters, your wife. You gotta fuck one, kill one, and marry one, go!
Brennan Huff: This house is a fucking prison!
Dale Doback: On Planet Bullshit!
Brennan Huff: In the galaxy of This Sucks Camel Dicks!
Brennan Huff: You're not a doctor. You're a big fat curly headed fuck!
Brennan Huff: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I will kick you repeatedly in the balls!
Dale Doback: The clown has no penis!
Dale Doback: Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I'm looking good, got a luscious v of hair going through my chest pubes down to my ball fro. She takes one look at me and goes "Oh my god, I've had the old bull now I want the young calf" and grabs me by the weiner.
Dr. Robert Doback: Shut the fuck up!
Brennan Huff: Two things! First, you keep your liver spotted hands off my beautiful mother, she's a saint! Second, You sit down and write a cheque to Dale and Brennan for $10,000! Or I'll shove one of those fake hearing devices so far up your ass, you can listen to your lower intestine as it produces SHIT!
Brennan Huff: I tea-bagged your drum set!
Dale Doback: Well my drum set's a guy, so that makes you gay!
Brennan: Favorite prehistoric dinosaur?
Brennan and Dale: Velociraptor!
Dale: Favorite non-pornographic magazine to masturbate to?
Brennan and Dale: Good Housekeeping!
Brennan: Who is one man that you would sleep with if you were a girl?
Brennan and Dale: John Stamos!
Dale: Oh my gosh.
Brennan: Did we just become best friends?
Dale: Yup.
Brennan: Wanna go do karate in the garage?
Dale: Yup.
Brennan Huff: I swear, I'm so pissed off at my mom. As soon as she's of age, I'm putting her in a home.
Dale Doback: My dad and I decided that Nancy's kind of hot, so maybe we should just both bang her and in the meantime deal with the re**rd.
Brennan Huff: Who's the re**rd?
Dale Doback: You.
Brennan Huff: Hey y'all don't say that!
Brennan Huff: I'm going to take a pillowcase and fill it full of bars of soap and beat the shit out of you!
Dale Doback: I manage a baseball team.
Nancy Huff: Oh, little league?
Dale Doback: Fantasy league.
Brennan Huff: Hold on. We're not going on the boat, Derek's selling the house, and we have to go to therapy?
Dr. Robert Doback: Yeah.
Brennan Huff: What the fuck happened?!
Dr. Robert Doback: We're putting the house on the market.
Dale Doback: Where are we moving?
Brennan Huff: Is the house haunted?
Brennan Huff: [in his therapist's fantasy.] I've come five hundred miles to deliver my seed.
Derek: So, what do we do now?
Brennan Huff: Can we hug?
Derek: Yeah, you'd like that, you fa**ot! I'm sorry, I'm new to this.
[Waking up from dreams on top of each other.]
Dale Doback: Oh no, I'm late for school.
Brennan Huff: I'll kiss you on the lips Kenny Rodgers.
Brennan Huff: You're embarrassing yourself, you geriatric fuck!
Brennan Huff: You better not close your eyes, because as soon as you do, I'm gonna punch you square in the face!
