Annie: You... and the closet.
Dean Proffitt: That's right. This is me and I'm standing in front of the closet.
Annie: Something's familiar.
Dean Proffitt: Yeah, well... that's 'cause we used to do it in the closet.
Annie: Oh stop with the sex stories.
Annie: Oh, and give my regards to Schwartzman and Heineken.
Capt. Karl: What're you doing?
Annie: I'm turning the boat around.
Capt. Karl: Why?
Annie: I'm going home.
Capt. Karl: You're turning that wheel around too fast.
Joanna: What's my name?
Dean Proffitt: Mrs. Annie Proffitt.
Joanna: Well what's my maiden name?
Dean Proffitt: Annie Goolaheey.
Joanna: Annie goolahey... Where in God's name did I grow up, Dogpatch?
Dean Proffitt: No, not there honey over in Goober, Idaho but it's a nuclear waste dump.
Grant Stayton: We're at sea, and I'm a GOD at sea.
Travis Proffitt: Are we gonna trade her in for a new mom?
Dean Proffitt: Not if we don't blow it.
Joanna: You know forks were invented so that man could at least make a pretense of separating himself from the apes.
Dean Proffitt: So were thumbs.
Joanna: What did you say?
Dean Proffitt: Nothing. It was... my stomach.
Joanna: Well try to control your bodily noises so I can hear myself think.
Joanna Stayton/Annie Proffitt: I'm not a bitch. andrew. Are you going to bring me my lemon or do I have to squeeze it from my hat?
Travis Proffitt: It's not us, Dad, it's Roy.
Doctor at Hospital: Look, if it were up to us, we would be glad to give her to you, but she's right we are gonna need some verification.
Annie: Hey mister, what was I doing out in the ocean?
Dean Proffitt: That's something you like to do, go fishing for oysters at night.
Annie: Oysters in a cold ocean at night, doesn't sound like me.
Billy Pratt: Back in the day he was known as Mean Dean Proffitt and me I was Bad Billy Pratt.
Annie: Oh, a washing machine! But Dean its so expensive.
Dean Proffitt: No, shit.
Travis Proffitt: Are you sure this is gonna work?
Charlie: My ideas always work. I'm gifted.
Travis Proffitt: I loved it when you glued Joey to the toilet seat.
Annie: I don't belong here, I feel it, don't you think I feel it. I can't do any of these vile things and I wouldn't want to. Oh, my life is like death. My children are the spawn of hell, and you're the devil. Oh God.
Dean Proffitt: But baby, we like you.
Dean Proffitt: This one's flat, give me another one Billy.
Billy Pratt: I only got six.
Dean Proffitt: Well, I guess we better send the ol' ball and chain out to buy us more.
Dr. Norman Korman: Joanna, what motivated you to rise and get the serving tray?
Annie: I thought you might be hungry.
Dr. Norman Korman: That's excellent, excellent.
Grant Stayton: What's excellent about it?
Dr. Norman Korman: I was hungry.
Joanna Stayton/Annie Proffitt: Try to understand, Grant, I don't love you anymore.
Grant Stayton: What's love got to do with marriage?
Grant Stayton: Do we have a straight jacket on board?
Dr. Norman Korman: I always carry one, yes.
Answer: Goldie Hawn mentioned in an interview that it was a blooper. She explained that she and Kurt Russell are so comfortable with one another that it wasn't really like acting, and she reacted naturally.