Carey Mahoney: What are you in for?
Larvell Jones: I'll show you. [holds a microphone to his mouth and imitates gun fire causing everyone to drop to the floor.]
Desk Officer: GOD DAMN IT, STOP THAT.
Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: Son, where did you get that gun?
Cadet Eugene Tackleberry: My mom gave it to me.
Chief Hurnst: Back in the old days, there were Johnsons as far as they eye could see.
Cadet Leslie Barbara: Of all the guys who I thought were gonna make it, Hightower was the one. I mean, if all the cops looked like him there'd be no crime at all.
Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: You know, Mahoney, I'd like to spend the next ten weeks breaking you into little pieces. But I won't. Because you're bad. You're bad for morale, Mahoney. Oh, you look like the sweet little boy from next door. But you don't fool me, oh no. You're the devil, and you're rotten to the core, and you're ruining my chance to train some people who might make pretty good cops!
Cmndt. Eric Lassard: What's wrong with this man?
Cadet Leslie Barbara: There was gunplay, sir, and he missed it.
George Martin: To me, marriage is a sacred institution. So tell me, you and the wife do it doggie-style, or what?