Best TV quotes of all time

Please vote as you browse around to help the best rise to the top.

Movie Quote Quiz
House, M.D. picture

Fidelity (aka: Truth or Consequences) - S1-E7

House: As long as you're trying to be good, you can do whatever you want.
Dr. Wilson: And as long as you're not trying, you can say whatever you want.
House: So between us, we can do whatever we want. We can rule the world!

More House, M.D. quotes
The Simpsons picture

Tree House of Horror X - S11-E4

[The Simpsons are driving down a road as fast as possible.]
Homer: Dear God, it's Homer. If you really love me you'll save my life now.
[The gas needle immediately drops to empty and the car stops.]
Homer: D'oh.

More The Simpsons quotes
Batman: The Animated Series picture

Christmas With the Joker - S1-E38

Joker: Jingle bells, Batman smells. Robin laid an egg. The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Joker got awaaaaaaaaayyyyy.

More Batman: The Animated Series quotes
The Office picture

Episode 6 - S2-E6

David Brent: If you want the rainbow you got to take the rain too. You know which "philosopher" said that? Dolly Parton. And people say she's just a big pair of tits.

More The Office quotes
Animaniacs picture

Man: Do you know who I am?
Yakko: Why? Did you forget?

More Animaniacs quotes
3rd Rock from the Sun picture

Dick, Who's Coming to Dinner - S5-E6

Dick: Does anyone remember why we all decided to be white?
Harry: Oh, um, I went with white ‘cause I thought it'd be a little cooler in the summer.
Tommy: Well don't you remember, Dick? All the television signals that we picked up in outer space were filled with white people.
Sally: Oh, except for that, uh, that black nerd with the hiked-up pants and the oversized glasses. What was his name?
Tommy: Bryant Gumbel.
Sally: Right.

Phaneron Premium member
More 3rd Rock from the Sun quotes
Blackadder picture

Plan B: Corporal Punishment - S4-E2

Blackadder: I remember Massingbird's most famous case - the Case of the Bloody Knife. A man was found next to a murdered body. He had the knife in his hand, thirteen witnesses had seen him stab the victim and when the police arrived he said 'I'm glad I killed the bastard.' Massingbird not only got him off, he got hom knighted in the New Year's Honours list, and the relatives of the victim had to pay to get the blood washed out of his jacket.

More Blackadder quotes
Lazytown picture

Robbie Rotten: Have you ever heard the sound of a rubber ball breaking a window?
Trixie: Nuh uh.
Robbie Rotten: Would you like to?

More Lazytown quotes
Criminal Minds picture

Extreme Aggressor - S1-E1

Agent Hotchner: This is Special Agent Dr. Reid.
Man: You look too young to have gone to medical school.
Agent Reid: They are PhD's. Three of them.
Man: What, are you a genius or something?
Agent Reid: I don't believe that intelligence can be accurately quantified, but I do have an IQ of 187, an eidetic memory, can read 20,000 words per minute...yes, I'm a genius.

Ssiscool Premium member
More Criminal Minds quotes
Lost in Space picture

Robot: Danger, Will Robinson! Danger.

More Lost in Space quotes
Firefly picture

Jaynestown - S1-E4

[About Jayne's statue.]
Wash: I think they captured him. Captured his esscence, you know?
Kaylee: He looks kinda angry.
Wash: That's kinda what I meant.

More Firefly quotes
Designated Survivor picture

The First Day - S1-E2

Seth Wright: Mr. President.
Tom Kirkman: You don't need to get up every time I walk into a room. I'm not the Queen.
Seth Wright: No, sir. Virtually no resemblance.

Cubs Fan
More Designated Survivor quotes
Rick and Morty picture

Something Ricked This Way Comes - S1-E9

Rick: Cute, your sister's boss gave me a microscope that would have made me retarded.
Morty: Ooh. Oh, boy, Rick, I, I don't think you're allowed to say that word, you know.
Rick: Morty, I'm not disparaging the differently abled. I'm stating the fact if I had used this microscope, it would have made me mentally retarded.
Morty: Okay, yeah, but I don't think it's about logic, Rick. I, I think the word has just become a symbolic issue for powerful groups that feel like they're doing the right thing.
Rick: Well, that's retarded.

Bishop73
More Rick and Morty quotes
Are You Being Served? picture

German Week - S3-E6

Miss Brahms: I think Mr. Rumbold should dress up as something.
Mrs. Slocombe: Yes. Wasn't Frankenstein a German?
Miss Brahms: That's right. With his nuts in his neck. [Makes twisting motions with her fingers near her neck.] Like that.
Mr. Rumbold: I wouldn't be able to take part, of course, in case I was summoned to a board meeting. But I see no reason why Captain Peacock shouldn't participate.
Captain Peacock: I can think of lots of reason why I shouldn't participate. Somebody has to have authority over the floor and these clothes that I wear symbolize that authority.
Mr Lucas: Why don't you dress up as Hitler?

More Are You Being Served? quotes
Prison Break picture

Michael Scofield: This is going wrong in every possible way.

More Prison Break quotes
Bonanza picture

Ben Cartwright: You and your education.
Adam Cartwright: Education is progress! Now what have you got against it?
Ben Cartwright: I don't have anything against education - as long as it doesn't interfere with your thinking.

More Bonanza quotes
Blue Bloods picture

Frank Reagan: I'm the PC. I know everything.

More Blue Bloods quotes
Fawlty Towers picture

Communication Problems (a.k.a. Theft) - S2-E1

Mrs Richards: And another thing. I expect to be able to see the sea.
Basil: [whispering to Manuel.] Deaf, Mad and Blind. [To Mrs Richards.] Yes, this is the view as far as I can remember... Yes, yes it is.
Mrs Richards: When I pay for a view, I expect something more interesting than that.
Basil: But that is Torquay, madam.
Mrs Richards: Well it's not good enough.
Basil: Well may I ask what you expected to see out of a Torquay hotel bedroom window? Sydney Opera House perhaps? The Hanging Gardens of Babylon? Herds of wildebeest sweeping majestically across the plain...
Mrs Richards: [interrupting.] Don't be silly. I expect to be able to see the sea.
Basil: You CAN see the sea! It's over there between the land and the sky!
Mrs Richards: I'd need a telescope to see that.
Basil: Well might I suggest you move to a hotel closer to the sea. Or preferably in it.
Mrs Richards: Now listen to me. I'm not satisified but I've decided to stay. HOWEVER, I shall expect a deduction.
Basil: Why, because Krakatoa isn't erupting at the moment?
Mrs Richards: Because the room is cold, the bath is too small, the view is invisible and the radio doesn't work.
Basil: No, the radio works. You don't.

More Fawlty Towers quotes
The Man From U.N.C.L.E. picture

Napoleon Solo: My name is Napoleon Solo. I'm an enforcement agent in Section Two here. That's operations and enforcement.
Illya Kuryakin: I am Illya Kuryakin. I am also an enforcement agent. Like my friend Napoleon, I go and I do whatever I am told to by our chief.
Alexander Waverly: Hmm? Oh, yes. Alexander Waverly. Number One in Section One. In charge of this, our New York headquarters. It's from here that I send these young men on their various missions.

More The Man From U.N.C.L.E. quotes
Castle picture

Little Girl Lost - S1-E9

Beckett: [Growing weary of Castle and Sorenson trying to one-up each other.] Oh, for god's sake, why don't you both just drop your pants and get it over with?
Castle: I'm game.

More Castle quotes

Join the mailing list

Separate from membership, this is to get updates about mistakes in recent releases. Addresses are not passed on to any third party, and are used solely for direct communication from this site. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Check out the mistake & trivia books, on Kindle and in paperback.