Best TV quotes of all time

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Only Fools and Horses picture

Modern Men - S8-E2

Uncle Albert: Is that the radio I hear, Rodney?
Rodney: No, Elton John popped in and he's rehearsing in the kitchen!

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Boston Legal picture

Alan Shore: Ah, Denny, I've hardly seen you this episode.

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Beauty & the Beast picture

Mouse: Okay good! Okay fine.

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Law & Order picture

Det. Lennie Briscoe: I'm trying to decide what to arrest you for - obstruction of justice, harboring a fugitive or just being a general pain in the ass.

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The High Chaparral picture

Billy Blue Cannon: I need all the rest I can get, Uncle Buck.
Buck Cannon: When I was your age, Blue, the word 'rest' hadn't been invented.

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Rick and Morty picture

Something Ricked This Way Comes - S1-E9

Rick: Cute, your sister's boss gave me a microscope that would have made me retarded.
Morty: Ooh. Oh, boy, Rick, I, I don't think you're allowed to say that word, you know.
Rick: Morty, I'm not disparaging the differently abled. I'm stating the fact if I had used this microscope, it would have made me mentally retarded.
Morty: Okay, yeah, but I don't think it's about logic, Rick. I, I think the word has just become a symbolic issue for powerful groups that feel like they're doing the right thing.
Rick: Well, that's retarded.

Bishop73

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Dark Shadows picture

Angelique: Let me give you one word of advice, Dr. Hoffman. The pursuit of Barnabas Collins can lead to nothing but misery. He is a cold, harsh, unresponsive man."
Dr. Julia Hoffman: Who made him that way?

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In the Heat of the Night picture

J.J. Jeffson: Well, you know what the Lord says: "Go forth and multiply, and fill the earth."
Bill Gillespie: But I don't think he meant for you to do that by yourself.

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The Originals picture

Klaus Mikaelson: You rant and rave about the monster I have become, but you, mother, you are the author of everything I am.

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Cheers picture

Woody: Jack Frost nipping at your toes, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Yeah, now let's get Joe Beer nipping at my liver.

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Are You Being Served? picture

German Week - S3-E6

Miss Brahms: I think Mr. Rumbold should dress up as something.
Mrs. Slocombe: Yes. Wasn't Frankenstein a German?
Miss Brahms: That's right. With his nuts in his neck. [Makes twisting motions with her fingers near her neck.] Like that.
Mr. Rumbold: I wouldn't be able to take part, of course, in case I was summoned to a board meeting. But I see no reason why Captain Peacock shouldn't participate.
Captain Peacock: I can think of lots of reason why I shouldn't participate. Somebody has to have authority over the floor and these clothes that I wear symbolize that authority.
Mr Lucas: Why don't you dress up as Hitler?

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The 100 picture

Day Trip - S1-E8

Conner: Tell me again.
Raven: You're the most beautiful broom in a broom closet of brooms.

balistener

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Firefly picture

Jaynestown - S1-E4

[About Jayne's statue.]
Wash: I think they captured him. Captured his esscence, you know?
Kaylee: He looks kinda angry.
Wash: That's kinda what I meant.

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Animaniacs picture

Man: Do you know who I am?
Yakko: Why? Did you forget?

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Gilligan's Island picture

Skipper Jonas Grumby: Ginger, I've got a problem... I've got a real problem... Now you're a girl, right?
Ginger Grant: Well, if you're not sure about that, you have got a problem.

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The Waltons picture

The Reunion - S1-E14

Ike: How's it feel to be a working man?
John-Boy: Ike, Mama would skin me alive! Everyone knows those two ladies make bootleg whiskey.
Ike: But they don't know what they're doing. They're just following their papa's Recipe.
John-Boy: But sometimes they sell it!
Ike: Yeah, but they're just like two little girls by a roadside selling lemonade.

Super Grover

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American Dragon: Jake Long picture

Jake's Mom: Your sister really looks up to you.
Jake Long: She's two feet tall! She looks up to everybody!

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