Fidelity (aka: Truth or Consequences) - S1-E7
House: As long as you're trying to be good, you can do whatever you want.
Dr. Wilson: And as long as you're not trying, you can say whatever you want.
House: So between us, we can do whatever we want. We can rule the world!
Alan Shore: Ah, Denny, I've hardly seen you this episode.
Robbie Rotten: Have you ever heard the sound of a rubber ball breaking a window?
Trixie: Nuh uh.
Robbie Rotten: Would you like to?
House of the Rising Sun - S1-E6
[While fleeing from an angry swarm, Kate takes her shirt off as insects are trapped in it. Charlie later finds her and hands her the shirt she dropped with a questioning look.]
Kate: It was full of bees.
Charlie: [Looking at her chest.] I'd say more like C's.
Mac Taylor: You're not a doctor. You're a murderer with a medical degree.
Carlos: You know who you are, Gaby? You're the kind of person who would have turned away Mary and Joseph from the inn.
Gabrielle: Well, they should have called ahead.
Blooregard "Bloo" Q. Kazoo: Got B.O.? Get DEO.
Mickey 'Bricks' Stone: Albert, what the hell were you doing in a church today?
Albert Stroller: Gil Stewart died this afternoon. I was there at the end.
Mickey 'Bricks' Stone: Oh God, I'm so sorry Albert. You two were like brothers.
Albert Stroller: We worked Vegas together. That man was made for bright lights. Poor bastard - died of a stroke in a dental surgery.
Mickey 'Bricks' Stone: Well, someone should sue them.
Albert Stroller: Aye, he was pretending to be the dentist.
Mugen: When you point a sword at someone either you kill them or they kill you, there ain't no inbetween. So quit talkin' like a fuckin' pussy. Anyone who can't handle that should just shut THE fuck UP and GET over IT.
Tag Team Trial: Part 1 - S1-E10
Syrus Truesdale: First, I'm going to summon Gyroid in attack mode.
Para: You must be joking. I am surprised that thing even has an attack mode.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: Is there anyone here who has a genuine medical problem?
Josh Nichols: Mom and Dad are gonna kill us.
Drake Parker: No they won't... they are gonna kill you.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Using power... using power... using power.
The Penguin: Please, now that all pretenses are off, call me Penguin - a flightless bird, but one with style.
Grant Wilson: It's you, you stupid cat. Your nose whistles.
Jude Harrison: Meatless meatloaf?.. Isn't that just loaf?
Alice: We need like, rules of un-attraction.
Tony Harrison: I come fully equipped with a papoose! I slip into it like a peanut. If you don't like the papoose system I have a wheel that clicks into place under my chin.
Saboo: Must I assemble this Kinder Egg?
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: I can do a surface dive in my pyjamas.
Dr. Macartney: That's probably very handy for a bedwetter.