Brian Stevens: Motion for continuance is denied.
Denny Crane: You know what I'm going to do, Brian, just to show you there are no hard feelings? I'm going to sleep with your wife.
Denny Crane: You hear the one about the fella who died, went to the pearly gates? St. Peter let him in. Sees a guy in a suit making a closing argument. Says, "Who's that?" St. Peter says, "Oh, that's God. Thinks he's Denny Crane."
Denny Crane: May I express a thought, because I so rarely get one, and I should preface this by saying that I'm so far up the ass of big business I view the world as one giant colon.
Gil Furnald: I just like wearing women's clothes sometimes. It's not a sexual turn-on, it just feels right sometimes.
Denny Crane: So basically you're a sicko.
Gil Furnald: I'm not sick.
Denny Crane: Lighten up, man. So what, you got caught in a skirt? That what you're saying?
Gil Furnald: My employer found out, and, yes, I got fired. They asked me a lot of questions, like whether I'm gay.
Denny Crane: Well, are you? Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Alan Shore: What's your specialty?
Dr. Allen Konigsberg: Couples' counseling. I first saw the client and his wife together. Since the divorce I've been working with him alone.
Alan Shore: So they came to you to improve their relationship, and now one wants to kill the other. Not your best work, was it, doctor?