Best crime TV quotes of all time

Movie Quote Quiz
Sherlock picture

A Scandal in Belgravia - S2-E1

Sherlock Holmes: Punch me in the face.
John Watson: Punch you?
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, punch me in the face. Didn't you hear me?
John Watson: I always hear "punch me in the face" when you're speaking, but it's usually subtext.

Add time

2

Monk (2002)

Monk picture

Mr. Monk and the Candidate (1) - S1-E1

Sharona: You're going straight to hell.
Adrian Monk: I am in hell.

Add time

3

Arrow (2012)

Arrow picture

Honor Thy Father - S1-E2

John Diggle: The knife.
Oliver Queen: Right. The knife. I got lucky.
John Diggle: That was a kitchen knife. It wasn't even weighted properly and yet you threw it with accuracy across a ten foot room.
Oliver Queen: Exactly. I got lucky.

Add time

4

Bones (2005)

Bones picture

Dr. Temperance Brennan: I've never gotten a B and I never will.
Seeley Booth: That's my girl.

Add time

Castle picture

Flowers for Your Grave - S1-E1

Beckett: Richard Castle, you are under arrest for felony theft and obstruction of justice.
Castle: You forgot making you look bad.

Add time

Cubs Fan Premium member
Breaking Bad picture

Walter White: Who are you talking to right now? Who is it you think you see? Do you know how much I make a year? I mean, even if I told you, you wouldn't believe it. Do you know what would happen if I suddenly decided to stop going into work? A business big enough that it could be listed on the NASDAQ goes belly up. Disappears. It ceases to exist, without me. No, you don't know who you're talking to, so let me clue you in. I am not in danger, Skyler. I AM the danger. A guy opens his door and gets shot, and you think that of me? No! I am the one who knocks!

Add time

Batman: The Animated Series picture

Christmas With the Joker - S1-E38

Joker: Jingle bells, Batman smells. Robin laid an egg. The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Joker got awaaaaaaaaayyyyy.

Add time

Criminal Minds picture

Extreme Aggressor - S1-E1

Agent Hotchner: This is Special Agent Dr. Reid.
Man: You look too young to have gone to medical school.
Agent Reid: They are PhD's. Three of them.
Man: What, are you a genius or something?
Agent Reid: I don't believe that intelligence can be accurately quantified, but I do have an IQ of 187, an eidetic memory, can read 20,000 words per minute...yes, I'm a genius.

Add time

A Demon Premium member
CSI: NY picture

Blink - S1-E1

Mac Taylor: You're not a doctor. You're a murderer with a medical degree.

Add time

Elementary picture

The Leviathan - S1-E10

Sherlock Holmes: If you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, is the truth.

Add time

The Thin Blue Line picture

Season 1 generally

Inspector Grim: It's my arse on the line and I don't want a cock-up!

Add time

12

Waco (2018)

Waco picture

Day 51 - S1-E6

Gary Noesner: You cannot remove these people by force. The more you push them, the more they think it is a test of their faith.

Add time

Cubs Fan Premium member

13

24 (2001)

24 picture

Andre Drazen: If Plan A fails you go to Plan B, not Plan A recycled.

Add time

South Park picture

Weight Gain 4000 - S1-E3

Kyle: Cartman, you have such a fat ass, that when you walk down the street people go, "God, dammit thats a big fat ass!'
Cartman: They do not!
Random guy: God Dammit, thats a big fat ass!

Add time

The Mentalist picture

Red Letter Day - S5-E19

Kimball Cho: What do you need?
Patrick Jane: Backup.
Kimball Cho: I don't like it when you say you need backup and nothing's happened yet.

Add time

Cubs Fan Premium member
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit picture

Born Psychopath - S14-E19

Dr. Huang: I'm conflicted about labeling a ten year old a psychopath. But...
Don Cragen: "But"?
Dr. Huang: I've had a chill like that two times in my life. With death row serial killers.

Add time

CSI: Crime Scene Investigation picture

Lucky Strike - S3-E16

Nick Stokes: There's a sucker born every minute.
Gil Grissom: Yep, and they all come to Vegas.

Add time

18

JAG (1995)

JAG picture

Ice Queen (1) - S8-E20

Dr. Donald Mallard: You sure you won't have dinner with me tonight, Viv?
Special Agent Vivian Blackadder: Oh, Ducky, you're disgusting!
Dr. Donald Mallard: The pursuit of sex is an affirmation of life, Vivian. That's why older men are so lascivious.
Special Agent Vivian Blackadder: I'm talking about your lack of respect for the dead.
Dr. Donald Mallard: I have the utmost respect for the dead.
Special Agent Vivian Blackadder: Well, that's obvious from the way you speak to them.
Dr. Donald Mallard: If you were dead, wouldn't it be nice if you were spoken to, rather than about?

Add time

NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service picture

Agent Afloat - S6-E2

Ziva David: This is where you have been for the last month?
Tony DiNozzo: Yeah. It's just like the squad room, only I'm the squad and there's no room.

Add time

Cubs Fan Premium member
Sons of Anarchy picture

Potlatch - S2-E8

Bobby Elvis: Summer of love might be over, ese, but killing the mother charter's VP? Might wanna rethink that move.

Add time

The_Iceman Premium member
The Adventures of Tintin picture

The Secret of the Unicorn: Part 1 - S1-E3

Tintin: He looks exactly like you.
Captain Haddock: Yes, he is good looking.

Add time

Twin Peaks picture

Part 8 - S1-E8

The Woodsman: This is the water. And this is the well. Drink full and descend. The horse is the white of the eyes and dark within.

Add time

Charles Austin Miller
CSI: Miami picture

Kill Zone - S1-E9

Lt. Horatio Caine: You're evil, you enjoy death, and I hope you enjoy your own.

Add time

24

Dexter (2006)

Dexter picture

Chemistry - S7-E7

Isaak Sirko: You didn't kill Victor out of vengeance. I have a feeling you're a different kind of animal. The question is...what kind are you, Dexter Morgan?
Dexter: The kind who hunted your friend down and strapped him to a board and put a plastic bag on his head and crushed his skull with a fire extinguisher. The kind who's gonna do the same thing to you, give or take the fire extinguisher.

Add time

Ashes to Ashes picture

Gene Hunt: Fire up the Quattro!

Add time

Get Smart picture

School Days - S1-E3

Max: When the moon is full, the tide is high.
Old Lady: You must want the spy school, that's next door.

Add time

Police Squad! picture

Frank Drebin: We're sorry to bother you at such a time like this, Mrs. Twice. We would have come earlier, but your husband wasn't dead then.

Add time

Justified picture

Raylan Givens: If you're going to talk, I'll put you in the trunk and drive myself.
Dewey Crowe: I can't drive handcuffed to the damned steering wheel!
Raylan Givens: You'll get the hang of it.

Add time

29

Gotham (2014)

Law & Order: Criminal Intent picture

Poison - S1-E7

Ron Carter: In light of the severity of these crimes, we ask for remand, your honor.
Ms. O'Brien: In light of the weakness of their evidence, remand is absurd.
Ron Carver: The evidence past mustard with the grand jury.
Ms. O'Brien: Oh right, was my client indicted before or after the ham sandwich?

Add time

Bishop73

Join the mailing list

Addresses are not passed on to any third party, and are used solely for direct communication from this site. You can unsubscribe at any time.