Best crime TV quotes of all time

Sherlock picture

A Scandal in Belgravia - S2-E1

Sherlock Holmes: Punch me in the face.
John Watson: Punch you?
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, punch me in the face. Didn't you hear me?
John Watson: I always hear "punch me in the face" when you're speaking, but it's usually subtext.

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2

Arrow (2012)

Arrow picture

Honor Thy Father - S1-E2

John Diggle: The knife.
Oliver Queen: Right. The knife. I got lucky.
John Diggle: That was a kitchen knife. It wasn't even weighted properly and yet you threw it with accuracy across a ten foot room.
Oliver Queen: Exactly. I got lucky.

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3

Bones (2005)

Bones picture

Dr. Temperance Brennan: I've never gotten a B and I never will.
Seeley Booth: That's my girl.

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4

Monk (2002)

Monk picture

Mr. Monk and the Candidate (1) - S1-E1

Sharona: You're going straight to hell.
Adrian Monk: I am in hell.

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Castle picture

Flowers for Your Grave - S1-E1

Beckett: Richard Castle, you are under arrest for felony theft and obstruction of justice.
Castle: You forgot making you look bad.

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Batman: The Animated Series picture

Christmas With the Joker - S1-E38

Joker: Jingle bells, Batman smells. Robin laid an egg. The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Joker got awaaaaaaaaayyyyy.

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CSI: NY picture

Blink - S1-E1

Mac Taylor: You're not a doctor. You're a murderer with a medical degree.

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Breaking Bad picture

Walter White: Who are you talking to right now? Who is it you think you see? Do you know how much I make a year? I mean, even if I told you, you wouldn't believe it. Do you know what would happen if I suddenly decided to stop going into work? A business big enough that it could be listed on the NASDAQ goes belly up. Disappears. It ceases to exist, without me. No, you don't know who you're talking to, so let me clue you in. I am not in danger, Skyler. I AM the danger. A guy opens his door and gets shot, and you think that of me? No! I am the one who knocks!

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9

24 (2001)

24 picture

9:00 A.M.-10:00 A.M. - S1-E10

Jack Bauer: I used to be in the military. Used to do field work for the CIA. I've been to some horrible places. I've seen some pretty terrible things. I don't think I've ever been this scared in my whole life.

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The Mentalist picture

Little Yellow House - S7-E7

Teresa Lisbon: I don't think I've said this. I mean, I know I haven't said this, but I don't really know if I need to, because you always know what I'm thinking.
Patrick Jane: Well, not everything.
Teresa Lisbon: Would you be surprised if I said I love you?
Patrick Jane: I'd be... I'd be lying if didn't say I would be moved by that.
Teresa Lisbon: I love you.

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The Thin Blue Line picture

Season 1 generally

Inspector Grim: It's my arse on the line and I don't want a cock-up!

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South Park picture

Weight Gain 4000 - S1-E3

Kyle: Cartman, you have such a fat ass, that when you walk down the street people go, "God, dammit thats a big fat ass!'
Cartman: They do not!
Random guy: God Dammit, thats a big fat ass!

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Law & Order: Special Victims Unit picture

Born Psychopath - S14-E19

Dr. Huang: I'm conflicted about labeling a ten year old a psychopath. But...
Don Cragen: "But"?
Dr. Huang: I've had a chill like that two times in my life. With death row serial killers.

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Elementary picture

The Leviathan - S1-E10

Sherlock Holmes: If you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, is the truth.

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CSI: Crime Scene Investigation picture

Lucky Strike - S3-E16

Nick Stokes: There's a sucker born every minute.
Gil Grissom: Yep, and they all come to Vegas.

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16

JAG (1995)

JAG picture

Ice Queen (1) - S8-E20

Dr. Donald Mallard: You sure you won't have dinner with me tonight, Viv?
Special Agent Vivian Blackadder: Oh, Ducky, you're disgusting!
Dr. Donald Mallard: The pursuit of sex is an affirmation of life, Vivian. That's why older men are so lascivious.
Special Agent Vivian Blackadder: I'm talking about your lack of respect for the dead.
Dr. Donald Mallard: I have the utmost respect for the dead.
Special Agent Vivian Blackadder: Well, that's obvious from the way you speak to them.
Dr. Donald Mallard: If you were dead, wouldn't it be nice if you were spoken to, rather than about?

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NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service picture

Pop Life - S2-E16

Todd: What you doing?
DiNozzo: Chronicling this little conversation for our next meeting with Ducky.
Gibbs: Are you done?
DiNozzo: Almost.
Gibbs: Done or Fired are the choices.
DiNozzo: Done.

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A Demon Premium member
Sons of Anarchy picture

To Thine Own Self - S5-E11

Jackson Teller: The thug-side of you wants to chop my head off, but the fed side of you struggles with the felony whacking.
Luis Torres: Actually, both sides are okay with whacking - one side just has paperwork.

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Friso94
Justified picture

Raylan Givens: You're gonna bob and weave out of the path of a bullet? That I'd like to see.

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Better Call Saul picture

Chuck McGill: Money is beside the point.
Jimmy McGill: Money is the point.

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Law & Order: UK picture

Care - S1-E1

James Steel: In my experience, Mr. Turner, people change their pleas for two reasons: conscience or self-preservation. Now, as conscience seems beyond you, I'm giving you one last chance to save yourself.

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CSI: Miami picture

Kill Zone - S1-E9

Lt. Horatio Caine: You're evil, you enjoy death, and I hope you enjoy your own.

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Criminal Minds picture

Limelight - S3-E13

David Rossi: When I interviewed Bundy, he had a theory about pornography. He said "If you want to stop people from becoming like me, don't burn Catcher in the Rye."
Aaron Hotchner: "Burn Hustler." I read your books, too, Dave.

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iZombie picture

Abra Cadaver - S2-E7

Liv: They identified a hair found in the sink drain of Meat Cute as belonging to missing astronaut Alan York. You killed the fourth man who walked on the moon?
Blaine: Please, nobody cares about the fourth person to do something.

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Bishop73
Jessica Jones picture

AKA The Sandwich Saved Me - S1-E5

Trish Walker: Fine, be the naked superhero. That could be your alias.
Jessica Jones: Better than the name you came up with.
Trish Walker: Jewel is a great superhero name.
Jessica Jones: Jewel a stripper's name! A really slutty stripper! And if I wear that thing, you're gonna have to call me Camel-toe.

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Friso94
Twin Peaks picture

Part 8 - S1-E8

The Woodsman: This is the water. And this is the well. Drink full and descend. The horse is the white of the eyes and dark within.

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Charles Austin Miller
Law & Order: Criminal Intent picture

Poison - S1-E7

Ron Carter: In light of the severity of these crimes, we ask for remand, your honor.
Ms. O'Brien: In light of the weakness of their evidence, remand is absurd.
Ron Carver: The evidence past mustard with the grand jury.
Ms. O'Brien: Oh right, was my client indicted before or after the ham sandwich?

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Bishop73
The Adventures of Tintin picture

The Secret of the Unicorn: Part 1 - S1-E3

Tintin: He looks exactly like you.
Captain Haddock: Yes, he is good looking.

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29

Dexter (2006)

Dexter picture

Chemistry - S7-E7

Isaak Sirko: You didn't kill Victor out of vengeance. I have a feeling you're a different kind of animal. The question is...what kind are you, Dexter Morgan?
Dexter: The kind who hunted your friend down and strapped him to a board and put a plastic bag on his head and crushed his skull with a fire extinguisher. The kind who's gonna do the same thing to you, give or take the fire extinguisher.

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Ashes to Ashes picture

Gene Hunt: Fire up the Quattro!

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