Best crime TV quotes of all time

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Movie Quote Quiz
Sherlock picture

A Scandal in Belgravia - S2-E1

Sherlock Holmes: Punch me in the face.
John Watson: Punch you?
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, punch me in the face. Didn't you hear me?
John Watson: I always hear "punch me in the face" when you're speaking, but it's usually subtext.

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Monk picture

Mr. Monk and the Candidate (1) - S1-E1

Sharona: You're going straight to hell.
Adrian Monk: I am in hell.

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Arrow picture

Honor Thy Father - S1-E2

John Diggle: The knife.
Oliver Queen: Right. The knife. I got lucky.
John Diggle: That was a kitchen knife. It wasn't even weighted properly and yet you threw it with accuracy across a ten foot room.
Oliver Queen: Exactly. I got lucky.

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Batman: The Animated Series picture

Christmas With the Joker - S1-E38

Joker: Jingle bells, Batman smells. Robin laid an egg. The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Joker got awaaaaaaaaayyyyy.

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Bones picture

Dr. Temperance Brennan: I've never gotten a B and I never will.
Seeley Booth: That's my girl.

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Castle picture

Flowers for Your Grave - S1-E1

Beckett: Richard Castle, you are under arrest for felony theft and obstruction of justice.
Castle: You forgot making you look bad.

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Breaking Bad picture

Walter White: Who are you talking to right now? Who is it you think you see? Do you know how much I make a year? I mean, even if I told you, you wouldn't believe it. Do you know what would happen if I suddenly decided to stop going into work? A business big enough that it could be listed on the NASDAQ goes belly up. Disappears. It ceases to exist, without me. No, you don't know who you're talking to, so let me clue you in. I am not in danger, Skyler. I AM the danger. A guy opens his door and gets shot, and you think that of me? No! I am the one who knocks!

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CSI: NY picture

Blink - S1-E1

Mac Taylor: You're not a doctor. You're a murderer with a medical degree.

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Criminal Minds picture

Extreme Aggressor - S1-E1

Agent Hotchner: This is Special Agent Dr. Reid.
Man: You look too young to have gone to medical school.
Agent Reid: They are PhD's. Three of them.
Man: What, are you a genius or something?
Agent Reid: I don't believe that intelligence can be accurately quantified, but I do have an IQ of 187, an eidetic memory, can read 20,000 words per minute...yes, I'm a genius.

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CSI: Crime Scene Investigation picture

Greg Sanders: For the record, I really like having a penis.

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24 (2001)

24 picture

Andre Drazen: If Plan A fails you go to Plan B, not Plan A recycled.

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South Park picture

Weight Gain 4000 - S1-E3

Kyle: Cartman, you have such a fat ass, that when you walk down the street people go, "God, dammit thats a big fat ass!'
Cartman: They do not!
Random guy: God Dammit, thats a big fat ass!

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The Thin Blue Line picture

Season 1 generally

Inspector Grim: It's my arse on the line and I don't want a cock-up!

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Elementary picture

The Leviathan - S1-E10

Sherlock Holmes: If you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, is the truth.

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Sons of Anarchy picture

Toil and Till - S7-E2

Wayne Unser: Don't buy into that white-trash myth, these guys are not cretins. Jax Teller is formidable; as smart as he is dangerous.

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Waco picture

Day 51 - S1-E6

Gary Noesner: You cannot remove these people by force. The more you push them, the more they think it is a test of their faith.

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The Mentalist picture

Red Letter Day - S5-E19

Kimball Cho: What do you need?
Patrick Jane: Backup.
Kimball Cho: I don't like it when you say you need backup and nothing's happened yet.

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Law & Order: Special Victims Unit picture

Born Psychopath - S14-E19

Dr. Huang: I'm conflicted about labeling a ten year old a psychopath. But...
Don Cragen: "But"?
Dr. Huang: I've had a chill like that two times in my life. With death row serial killers.

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Police Squad! picture

Frank Drebin: We're sorry to bother you at such a time like this, Mrs. Twice. We would have come earlier, but your husband wasn't dead then.

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JAG picture

Ice Queen (1) - S8-E20

Dr. Donald Mallard: You sure you won't have dinner with me tonight, Viv?
Special Agent Vivian Blackadder: Oh, Ducky, you're disgusting!
Dr. Donald Mallard: The pursuit of sex is an affirmation of life, Vivian. That's why older men are so lascivious.
Special Agent Vivian Blackadder: I'm talking about your lack of respect for the dead.
Dr. Donald Mallard: I have the utmost respect for the dead.
Special Agent Vivian Blackadder: Well, that's obvious from the way you speak to them.
Dr. Donald Mallard: If you were dead, wouldn't it be nice if you were spoken to, rather than about?

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