The Tragedy at Marsdon Manor - S3-E6
Samuel Naughton: Was the accomodation all right?
Hercule Poirot: No, monsieur Naughton. The accomodation was all wrong.
Samuel Naughton: Oh...
Hercule Poirot: The duck-feather pillows. It feels as if the duck are still in them. (00:14:50)
Frank Drebin: We're sorry to bother you at such a time like this, Mrs. Twice. We would have come earlier, but your husband wasn't dead then.
Sgt. David Gabriel: You brought your cat to a crime scene?
Brenda Leigh Johnson: It's not my cat, it just lives with me and eats at my house.
Mickey 'Bricks' Stone: Albert, what the hell were you doing in a church today?
Albert Stroller: Gil Stewart died this afternoon. I was there at the end.
Mickey 'Bricks' Stone: Oh God, I'm so sorry Albert. You two were like brothers.
Albert Stroller: We worked Vegas together. That man was made for bright lights. Poor bastard - died of a stroke in a dental surgery.
Mickey 'Bricks' Stone: Well, someone should sue them.
Albert Stroller: Aye, he was pretending to be the dentist.
Jim Rockford: Hey, I'm sorry Dad, you just caught me at a bad time. Reading that detective fiction doesn't help. I mean things aren't like that you know? They're not black and white. There aren't any heroes left, they die young [pointing to a book cover]. His gun is deadly? Mine's in a cookie jar.
John Bacchus: You're under arrest.
George Gently: He's under arrest, when I say he is.
The Cat Who Cried Wolf - S1-E7
Detective Gordon Katsumoto: Why are you following me?
Thomas Magnum: Uh...
Detective Gordon Katsumoto: Word of advice: if you wanna tail someone, don't do it in a red Ferrari. (00:30:00)
Captain: Why would he use his son's gun? He knew that we would trace it back to that house. It doesn't make sense.
Burl Loomis: A lot of things don't make sense. Why are nickels bigger than dimes?
Captain: That's a good point.
Loomis: Why does Hawaii have an interstate highway?
Captain: Another excellent question.
Loomis: Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Captain: I don't know. I couldn't say.
Loomis: Why did the Flintstones celebrate Christmas?
Captain: When are you retiring?
Loomis: Four hundred and seventy four days.
Captain: Does that include today?
Loomis: Yes it does.
DC Jo Masters: And have we found anything interesting?
CSE Eddie Olosunje: No, but I smell something interesting. Apricot danish?
DC Jo Masters: It's peach, and it's mine.
CSE Eddie Olosunje: Oh come on I've been here since 6am. Give us a bite and I'll tell you about a partial print I found?
Agent Devlin: Everybody's got a theory on the increasing violence in our society.
Agent Emmerich: My wife thinks it's the artificial hormones in beef.
Agent Devlin: What's your take?
Frank Black: I don't think it's the beef.
Denny Blood: Oi, posh bitch. Is "arseholes" all one word?
Monica Lindsey: No, it's hyphenated. As in "arse-licker"
Police officer: It's police policy not to waste resources looking for a missing person in the first 24 hours because they usually show up on their own, and after 24 hours, if they're still missing, it usually means they're dead and we don't look for them that hard then either.
A.D.A. Alex Cahill: How about a cruise for our honeymoon?
Ranger Cordell Walker: We've already done that.
A.D.A. Alex Cahill: That was a river raft.
Ranger Cordell Walker: Close enough.
Kessler: Who are you?
Remington Steele: Just a happy go lucky tourist out to see a bit of the world.
Neff: Is that why you've got five passports, from five different countries, in five different names?
Remington Steele: Kept trying for a good picture.
Shawn Spencer: Good morning detectives, collecting money for the Policeman's ball?
Carlton Lassiter: We don't have balls.
Shawn Spencer: I honestly have no response to that.
Mac: Time has little to do with infinity and jelly donuts.
Sins of the Fathers Chapter 9: Tombstone - S3-E9
Tombstone: Come down here and fight like a man.
Spider-Man: I don't suppose I could convince you to come up here and fight like a spider.
Sherlock Holmes: If you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, is the truth.
Jim Reed: You just have to know how to arrest them and still make them like you. We call it technique.
Legend of the Dark Knight: 13 Stitches - S5-E6
Edward Nygma: [while Lucius Fox is removing the chip from his brain] Ow! Will you be careful?
Lucius Fox: If you'll stop moving, this will go a lot faster.
Edward Nygma: Well, if you would be more careful, I wouldn't potato all the long legs from the hidden spoon.
Barbara Kean: What just happened?
Lucius Fox: I believe the chip is installed against his speech center.
Barbara Kean: Huh. Do it again.
Lucius Fox: The human brain is not a play thing, Ms. Kean.
Edward Nygma: Please don't habituate the curtain rod.