CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Greg Sanders: For the record, I really like having a penis.

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Lucky Strike - S3-E16

Nick Stokes: There's a sucker born every minute.
Gil Grissom: Yep, and they all come to Vegas.

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Grissom: He's a highly functional autistic with superior right brain abilities.
Nick: Sounds kind of like you.

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Slaves of Las Vegas - S2-E8

Catherine Willows: I just realized that you and I have a very healthy relationship.
Gil Grissom: We do?
Catherine Willows: Well, when we have a problem, I don't paint Greg Sanders in latex and stick a straw up his nose.
Gil Grissom: Good. He'd probably like it.

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David Hodges: You know, you and me, we're not the marrying kind. The intricacies of our nature can't be understood by just one woman.
Gil Grissom: Would you close the door, please?
[David Hodges shuts the door with himself still in the office.]
Gil Grissom: From the other side.

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Greg Sanders: I'm like a sponge: I just absorb information.
Gil Grissom: I thought that was my line.
Greg Sanders: I know - I absorbed it.

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Gil Grissom: Concentrate on what cannot lie - the evidence.

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Pilot - S1-E1

[To a room full of dead corpses, after Holly Gribbs was frightended into hysterics.]
Gil Grissom: You assholes!

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