Greg Sanders: For the record, I really like having a penis.
Normal: Well, well, well... so far, your moron colleagues have come up with the following excuses for why you're strolling in here at the crack of noon - you had a dental emergency, your aunt died... again, and my personal favorite from this idiot - you were detained by the sector police for practicing witchcraft. Now, would you care to further insult my intelligence?
Max Guevara: I overslept.
Jeff: I love the word naked, it's brilliant isn't it, 'naked'. When I was a kid I used to write the word naked on a bit of paper hundreds of times and rub my face in it.
Tyr Anasazi: I have faith in nothing but this - when the universe collapses and dies, there will be three survivors - Tyr Anasazi, the cockroaches, and Dylan Hunt, trying to save the cockroaches.
Christopher Titus: Cain slew Abel... oh, happy, happy Cain.
Miroku: So she has left us once again. Inuyasha, Kagome was not acting her usual self. Exactly what happened between you and Kikyo?
Inuyasha: Same thing that goes on when you're with a woman.
Miroku: Ah! Ghastly! You mean you did that right in front of Kagome?
Inuyasha: Maybe we need to have a talk about what it is you do with women.
Captain William Mitchell: Joel, where have you been?
Joel Rawlings: Sir, I was on a... secret mission. So secret, even you didn't know about it.
Captain William Mitchell: At the flower shop?
Buzz: There seems to be no sign of intelligent life anywhere.
Baron Harkonnen: And so it begins. The trap is set. The prey approaches. A glorious winter is about to descend on House Atreides and all its heirs, and very soon, the years of humiliation visited upon my family will finally be avenged.
Darien Fawkes: By the way, I want my tombstone to say, "Too late, he's already dead." You know, just in case more people show up wanting to screw my life over.
Fenella: Eustace has... dust allergies. Poor lamb. He must be having trouble... breathing.
Steven Harper: Whenever you don't know what to do, choose the hardest thing, because nine times out of ten, that's the right thing to do.
Jimmy Hughes: Wait, I thought you said you would support my decision no matter what.
Christine Hughes: Yeah! If you made the right one.
Susan: I have decided to put an end to this madness that is ruining all our lives.
Michael: You're going to kill dad?
Carver: I am going to be carp.
Tino: Did you say Carp?
Carver: That stands for what I want to be. Cool And Radically Popular.
Tino: It's a good thing you don't want to be Cool rich And Popular.
Carver: Why?
Jackie: Wait! Bayblonian urn.
Ratso: What's a Babylonian urn?
Finn: Probably more than we do!
Bernard: I can feel pieces of my brain falling away like a wet cake.
Michael: You'll always be young. You'll always be beautiful. You're Brian Kinney, for fuck's sake.
Carl: If you need anything, you know who to look to. Someone else.