Best mystery TV quotes of all time

Please vote as you browse around to help the best rise to the top.

Movie Quote Quiz
Supernatural picture

Pilot - S1-E1

Dean Winchester: Driver picks the music. Shotgun shuts his cakehole.

More Supernatural quotes
Sherlock picture

A Scandal in Belgravia - S2-E1

Sherlock Holmes: Punch me in the face.
John Watson: Punch you?
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, punch me in the face. Didn't you hear me?
John Watson: I always hear "punch me in the face" when you're speaking, but it's usually subtext.

More Sherlock quotes
Monk picture

Mr. Monk and the Candidate (1) - S1-E1

Sharona: You're going straight to hell.
Adrian Monk: I am in hell.

More Monk quotes
Charmed picture

Something Wicca This Way Comes - S1-E1

Piper: [Seeing Jeremy on the news.] Hey, that's my boyfriend Jeremy. What happened?
Phoebe: Oh, some woman got whacked.
Piper: "Whacked"? Phoebe, you've been in New York way too long.

More Charmed quotes
Arrow picture

Honor Thy Father - S1-E2

John Diggle: The knife.
Oliver Queen: Right. The knife. I got lucky.
John Diggle: That was a kitchen knife. It wasn't even weighted properly and yet you threw it with accuracy across a ten foot room.
Oliver Queen: Exactly. I got lucky.

More Arrow quotes
House, M.D. picture

Fidelity (aka: Truth or Consequences) - S1-E7

House: As long as you're trying to be good, you can do whatever you want.
Dr. Wilson: And as long as you're not trying, you can say whatever you want.
House: So between us, we can do whatever we want. We can rule the world!

More House, M.D. quotes
Bones picture

Dr. Temperance Brennan: I've never gotten a B and I never will.
Seeley Booth: That's my girl.

More Bones quotes
Castle picture

Flowers for Your Grave - S1-E1

Beckett: Richard Castle, you are under arrest for felony theft and obstruction of justice.
Castle: You forgot making you look bad.

Cubs Fan Premium member
More Castle quotes
Batman: The Animated Series picture

Christmas With the Joker - S1-E38

Joker: Jingle bells, Batman smells. Robin laid an egg. The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Joker got awaaaaaaaaayyyyy.

More Batman: The Animated Series quotes
The X-Files picture

The Post-Modern Prometheus - S5-E5

[After spilling coffee on his lap.]
Mulder: Great, now my crotch will be up all night.

More The X-Files quotes
CSI: NY picture

Blink - S1-E1

Mac Taylor: You're not a doctor. You're a murderer with a medical degree.

More CSI: NY quotes
Criminal Minds picture

Extreme Aggressor - S1-E1

Agent Hotchner: This is Special Agent Dr. Reid.
Man: You look too young to have gone to medical school.
Agent Reid: They are PhD's. Three of them.
Man: What, are you a genius or something?
Agent Reid: I don't believe that intelligence can be accurately quantified, but I do have an IQ of 187, an eidetic memory, can read 20,000 words per minute...yes, I'm a genius.

A Demon Premium member
More Criminal Minds quotes
Lost picture

The Glass Ballerina - S3-E2

Benjamin Linus: Your flight crashed on September 22,2004. Today is November 29th. That means you've been on this island for sixty-nine days. And yes, we do have contact with the outside world, Jack. That's how we know that during those sixty-nine days, your fellow Americans re-elected George W. Bush, Christopher Reeve has passed away, Boston Red Sox won the World Series.
[Jack begins to laugh.]
Benjamin Linus: What?
Jack Shepard: [Still laughing.] If you wanted me to believe that, you probably should have picked somebody else besides the Red Sox.
Bejmain Linus: No, they were down 3-0 against the Yankees in the Championship Series and then won eight straight.
Jack Shepard: [Skeptically.] Sure, sure. Of course they did.
[Ben turns on a VCR.]
Joe Buck: Back to Foulke... Red Sox fans have longed to hear it! The Boston Red Sox are world champions! A clean sweep of the St. Louis Cardinals, and the Red Sox celebrate in the middle of the diamond here at Busch Stadium.

More Lost quotes
What's New, Scooby-Doo? picture

Pompeii and Circumstance - S1-E12

Saladicus: Those who are about to fight, salute me. I am the Emperor Caesar Saladicus. Do you have any last requests?
Shaggy: Hold the anchovies.

Quantom X Premium member
More What's New, Scooby-Doo? quotes

24 (2001)

24 picture

Andre Drazen: If Plan A fails you go to Plan B, not Plan A recycled.

More 24 quotes
South Park picture

Scott: All of these things link Terrance to the murder: hair fibers, blood samples, nail clippings, a piece of his shirt, a watch with his initials on it, a day planner with the murder scheduled, a haiku called "Time to Kill Dr. Jeffrey O'Dwyer": Dr. O'Dwyer, time to have your head smashed in with my new hammer. Terrance, you may be a famous surgeon, but you're not God. J'accuse Terrance.

More South Park quotes
Police Squad! picture

Frank Drebin: We're sorry to bother you at such a time like this, Mrs. Twice. We would have come earlier, but your husband wasn't dead then.

More Police Squad! quotes
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation picture

Lucky Strike - S3-E16

Nick Stokes: There's a sucker born every minute.
Gil Grissom: Yep, and they all come to Vegas.

More CSI: Crime Scene Investigation quotes
The Mentalist picture

Red Letter Day - S5-E19

Kimball Cho: What do you need?
Patrick Jane: Backup.
Kimball Cho: I don't like it when you say you need backup and nothing's happened yet.

Cubs Fan Premium member
More The Mentalist quotes
Scooby-Doo, Where Are You! picture

Never Ape and Ape Man - S1-E7

Daphne: That puts the stairs back. But I wonder what the other switches do?
Velma: Well, with your luck, Daph, the next button you push will bring the roof down. But, go ahead.

Quantom X Premium member
More Scooby-Doo, Where Are You! quotes

Join the mailing list

Separate from membership, this is to get updates about mistakes in recent releases. Addresses are not passed on to any third party, and are used solely for direct communication from this site. You can unsubscribe at any time.