Best mystery TV quotes of all time
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A Scandal in Belgravia - S2-E1
Sherlock Holmes: Punch me in the face.
John Watson: Punch you?
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, punch me in the face. Didn't you hear me?
John Watson: I always hear "punch me in the face" when you're speaking, but it's usually subtext.
Mr. Monk and the Candidate (1) - S1-E1
Sharona: You're going straight to hell.
Adrian Monk: I am in hell.
John Diggle: The knife.
Oliver Queen: Right. The knife. I got lucky.
John Diggle: That was a kitchen knife. It wasn't even weighted properly and yet you threw it with accuracy across a ten foot room.
Oliver Queen: Exactly. I got lucky.
Fidelity (aka: Truth or Consequences) - S1-E7
House: As long as you're trying to be good, you can do whatever you want.
Dr. Wilson: And as long as you're not trying, you can say whatever you want.
House: So between us, we can do whatever we want. We can rule the world!
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I've never gotten a B and I never will.
Seeley Booth: That's my girl.
Flowers for Your Grave - S1-E1
Beckett: Richard Castle, you are under arrest for felony theft and obstruction of justice.
Castle: You forgot making you look bad.
Christmas With the Joker - S1-E38
Joker: Jingle bells, Batman smells. Robin laid an egg. The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Joker got awaaaaaaaaayyyyy.
The Post-Modern Prometheus - S5-E5
[After spilling coffee on his lap.]
Mulder: Great, now my crotch will be up all night.
Agent Hotchner: This is Special Agent Dr. Reid.
Man: You look too young to have gone to medical school.
Agent Reid: They are PhD's. Three of them.
Man: What, are you a genius or something?
Agent Reid: I don't believe that intelligence can be accurately quantified, but I do have an IQ of 187, an eidetic memory, can read 20,000 words per minute...yes, I'm a genius.
Benjamin Linus: Your flight crashed on September 22,2004. Today is November 29th. That means you've been on this island for sixty-nine days. And yes, we do have contact with the outside world, Jack. That's how we know that during those sixty-nine days, your fellow Americans re-elected George W. Bush, Christopher Reeve has passed away, Boston Red Sox won the World Series.
[Jack begins to laugh.]
Benjamin Linus: What?
Jack Shepard: [Still laughing.] If you wanted me to believe that, you probably should have picked somebody else besides the Red Sox.
Bejmain Linus: No, they were down 3-0 against the Yankees in the Championship Series and then won eight straight.
Jack Shepard: [Skeptically.] Sure, sure. Of course they did.
[Ben turns on a VCR.]
Joe Buck: Back to Foulke... Red Sox fans have longed to hear it! The Boston Red Sox are world champions! A clean sweep of the St. Louis Cardinals, and the Red Sox celebrate in the middle of the diamond here at Busch Stadium.
Pompeii and Circumstance - S1-E12
Saladicus: Those who are about to fight, salute me. I am the Emperor Caesar Saladicus. Do you have any last requests?
Shaggy: Hold the anchovies.
Scott: All of these things link Terrance to the murder: hair fibers, blood samples, nail clippings, a piece of his shirt, a watch with his initials on it, a day planner with the murder scheduled, a haiku called "Time to Kill Dr. Jeffrey O'Dwyer": Dr. O'Dwyer, time to have your head smashed in with my new hammer. Terrance, you may be a famous surgeon, but you're not God. J'accuse Terrance.
Frank Drebin: We're sorry to bother you at such a time like this, Mrs. Twice. We would have come earlier, but your husband wasn't dead then.
Nick Stokes: There's a sucker born every minute.
Gil Grissom: Yep, and they all come to Vegas.
Kimball Cho: What do you need?
Patrick Jane: Backup.
Kimball Cho: I don't like it when you say you need backup and nothing's happened yet.
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