Hamilton Burger: Incompetent, irrelevant, and immaterial.
Multiple characters: Mouth breather.
Lt. Arthur Fancy: The future keeps telling us what the past was about. You make the past mean different things by the way you use the time that comes after.
Cartman Gets an Anal Probe - S1-E2
Cartman: How come everything today has involved things either coming in or going out of my ass?
Lt. Horatio Caine: You're evil, you enjoy death, and I hope you enjoy your own.
Greg Sanders: For the record, I really like having a penis.
Shaggy: Scooby-Snacks won't work on me this time.
Daphne: Would you do it for a Shaggy-Snack? A little something I whipped up.
Shaggy: Huh? A Shaggy-Snack?
Daphne: Yes, it's a pot-pie, with pizza crust, anchovies, pepperoni, cherries, all in a thick chocolate sauce.
Shaggy: Hahahaha! I'll do it! I'll do it!
Mac Taylor: You're not a doctor. You're a murderer with a medical degree.
Yankee White - S1-E1
Gibbs: I heard you quit, Agent Todd.
Kate Todd: Happy news travels fast. Yes, I resigned. It was the right thing to do.
Gibbs: Yep. Pull that crap at NCIS, I won't give you a chance to resign.
Kate Todd: Is that a job offer?
DCS Christopher Foyle: The uniform suits you.
Andrew Foyle: Thanks. I wish I could say the same about your dressing gown.
[A bomb in Wadsworth's room is seconds from going off, causing the Chancellor to panic].
Chancellor: Please, please let me out. In the name of God, let me out. Let me out! Let me out!
Wadsworth: Yes, Chancellor. In the name of God, I will let you out.
This Is the Way the World Ends - S6-E12
Dexter: I am a father, a son, a serial killer.
Nathan Stark: Good job, Carter... Wow, that didn't even leave a bad taste in my mouth.
Marshall Jack Carter: Wait for it.
Nathan Stark: ...Oh, there it is.
Kimball Cho: What do you need?
Patrick Jane: Backup.
Kimball Cho: I don't like it when you say you need backup and nothing's happened yet.
The Tragedy at Marsdon Manor - S3-E6
Samuel Naughton: Was the accomodation all right?
Hercule Poirot: No, monsieur Naughton. The accomodation was all wrong.
Samuel Naughton: Oh...
Hercule Poirot: The duck-feather pillows. It feels as if the duck are still in them. (00:14:50)
Frank Drebin: We're sorry to bother you at such a time like this, Mrs. Twice. We would have come earlier, but your husband wasn't dead then.
Coach Toomey: Actually, Burdett never made the team.
Carl Kolchak: No?
Coach Toomey: You see, his butterfly stroke was like an effeminate moth.
Mickey 'Bricks' Stone: Albert, what the hell were you doing in a church today?
Albert Stroller: Gil Stewart died this afternoon. I was there at the end.
Mickey 'Bricks' Stone: Oh God, I'm so sorry Albert. You two were like brothers.
Albert Stroller: We worked Vegas together. That man was made for bright lights. Poor bastard - died of a stroke in a dental surgery.
Mickey 'Bricks' Stone: Well, someone should sue them.
Albert Stroller: Aye, he was pretending to be the dentist.
Norma Louise Bates: Why do crazy people keep gravitating towards me?