Law & Order (1990)

Det. Lennie Briscoe: I'm trying to decide what to arrest you for - obstruction of justice, harboring a fugitive or just being a general pain in the ass.

Det. Lennie Briscoe: Even though you are a taxpayer, you know, we don't actually work for you personally.

Lt. Anita Van Buren: I'd like it if you two became real partners.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: And I'd like it if my ex-wives got partners. No more alimony.

Det. Lennie Briscoe: I specifically asked for him to be put on suicide watch. Apparently here at Riker's that mean that they watch you commit suicide.

Det. Lennie Briscoe: You know, if I didn't already know you don't have kids, I'd know you don't have kids.

Det. Lennie Briscoe: Boy, I'd hate for somebody to trace me by what I read.
Det. Rey Curtis: You read, Lennie?

Det. Lennie Briscoe: Love - a dangerous disease instantly cured by marriage.

D.A. Arthur Branch: Sometimes the good you do won't do you any good.

Medical Examiner Elizabeth Rodgers: I got another body coming in. Guy took a javelin to the chest.
Det. Lennie Briscoe: Why are you still in this line of work?
Medical Examiner Elizabeth Rodgers: Free javelins.

Lt. Anita Van Buren: If he's not Fallon, who the hell is he?
Det. Lennie Briscoe: Well the FBI says he's not in the witness protection program but they mighta had their fingers crossed.

Det. Lennie Briscoe: I told you, you should have gone to bed with her. You're getting the grief without getting the gravy.

Jack McCoy: Your grief might seem a little more real had you not just admitted you cut off your wife's head.

Adam Schiff: A first-year law student could punch more holes in your case than Con Ed has in Third Avenue.

Jack McCoy: The last time I checked, "Stupid" isn't a defense for murder.

ADA Claire Kincaid: Where's our notice?
Ben Stone: The client's dog ate it.

Det. Rey Curtis: You're a Catholic.
Jack McCoy: Not at work. Sorry.

Jack McCoy: You can re-write the law when you're appointed to the Supreme Court.
Arthur Branch: God willing.

Cookie Molina: I can see the future.
Sergeant Max Greevey: Oh yeah?
Cookie Molina: You are going to read me my rights.

Lt. Anita Van Buren: I'd better go. I'm late for my daily spanking at One Police Plaza.

Abbie Carmichael: Gentleman, if we can just lower the amount of testosterone.