Best TV quotes of all time

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Halo Legends picture

1337: Well... I'm one heck of a mama myself.

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A Bit of Fry and Laurie picture

Stephen Fry: When I was seventeen I had already tried fourteen different jobs, married twice, fathered many many many many children, eaten a perfectly enormous quantity of food over a long time period, been weaned off six types of class A dangerous drug, given up smoking, taken it up again, given it up again, taken it up again, given taking it up and taken giving it up again and again and again and again. By the time I was twenty, alcohol had never passed my lips, yet I was a reckless and predatory alcoholic: my life was in pieces, my marriages were shattered, my children lay in ruins, I was paying alimony along the sinuses, behind the dark interior passages of the skull and through the nose. But at thirty, at thirty came the chance to redeem a bin-liner of broken promises. If I didn't take that chance what would I be? What would I become? Just another friendless acid spot on the back buttock of a weeping society. So I took it, took the chance, picked up the ball and ran, went for it, threw caution to the teeth of the gale, never looked back, just keep running, I did it. Forget the past, there's nothing there, not even memories, just a road you never travelled unwinding backwards to a place you never came from, where fruit grows on trees you never climbed, in an orchard where you lost your virginity to a boy called Timothy who died of Horlicks poisoning before you were born. No answers there...
Hugh Laurie: tephen, Stephen, Stephen, Stephen.
Stephen Fry: Yes?
Hugh Laurie: Go and have a lie down.
Stephen Fry: OK. [walks off.].

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Star Wars: Clone Wars picture

Chapter 12 - S2-E2

Oro Dassyne: I wonder how many they'll send. We've got so much firepower in here, these walls are ray-shielded. They can't take this fort. It'll probably be, uh, fifty Jedi. They'll need at least that many. Huh, maybe a hundred Jedi! They'll never take this base with less. Ha, they'll need an army of Jedi!
Battle Droid: I have a visual.
Oro Dassyne: Jedi?
Battle Droid: I think so.
Oro Dassyne: How many? A thousand?
Battle Droid: No.
Oro Dassyne: Eighty?
Battle Droid: No, sir.
Oro Dassyne: What? Fifty?
Battle Droid: Less.
Oro Dassyne: Forty? Come on, how many?
Battle Droid: Two.
Oro Dassyne: What?! Give me those!

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Mary Tyler Moore picture

Lou Grant: Put it on an idiot card for Ted.
Ted Baxter: Cue cards, Lou. I don't know why everyone insists on calling cue cards idiot cards.
Murray Slaughter: We just have trouble thinking of you as a cue.

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Eureka picture

Nathan Stark: Good job, Carter... Wow, that didn't even leave a bad taste in my mouth.
Marshall Jack Carter: Wait for it.
Nathan Stark: ...Oh, there it is.

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Airwolf picture

Dominic Santini: Why can't we hover like regular helicopter people?

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Courage the Cowardly Dog picture

Courage: There's something fishy goin' on here, or my name is Stinky Looloo, and thank goodness it's not.

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Gilligan's Island picture

Skipper Jonas Grumby: Ginger, I've got a problem... I've got a real problem... Now you're a girl, right?
Ginger Grant: Well, if you're not sure about that, you have got a problem.

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Family Matters picture

Steve: Laura, this is a... A really special moment and... Well, I think we should celebrate it by... Getting married.
Laura: No.
Steve: Engaged?
Laura: No.
Steve: Going steady?
Laura: No.
Steve: A date?
Laura: No.
Steve: A kiss?
Laura: No.
Steve: A handshake?
Laura: No.
Steve: I'll see ya tomorrow?
Laura: Yeah.
Steve Urkel: I'll take it.

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24 (2001)

24 picture

Day 6: 6:00 AM - 7:00 AM - S6-E1

Jack Bauer: Do you understand the difference between dying for something and dying for nothing? The only reason I fought so hard to stay alive in China was because I didn't want to die for nothing. Today, I can die for something.

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Young Sheldon picture

Pilot - S1-E1

Georgie: Admit it, he's adopted.
Sheldon: How can I be adopted when I have a twin sister? Think, monkey, think.
Missy: I wish I was adopted.
Mary: That can still be arranged.

Cubs Fan

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Bewitched picture

Darrin Stephens: Sam, don't expect your mother to be gracious. She doesn't do imitations.

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Good Times picture

Penny: Is he here?
Michael: Is who here?
Penny: I don't know his name, but he's tall, skinny, and beautiful.
Michael: Hold on now. Tall, and skinny we've got, but beautiful?

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Superman picture Video

Voices: Up in the sky, look: It's a bird. It's a plane. It's Superman! (00:00:10)

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Sanford and Son picture

Aunt Esther: Watch it, sucka.

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The Legend of Korra picture

Night of a Thousand Stars - S2-E11

Korra: You have a battleship?
Varrick: Of course I do! I bought the first one they made! Named her the Zhu Li.
Bolin: You named your battleship after your assistant?
Varrick: Yep! They're both cold, heartless war machines.

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The Addams Family picture

Grandmama Addams: Fester, You're not cheating.
Uncle Fester: Sorry.

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