Detective Ron Harris: So What do you do for fun? Watch TV?
Amish Farmer: It's not in the bible.
Detective Ron Harris: Movies?
Amish Farmer: Not in the Bible.
Detective Ron Harris: Play cards? Gamble?
Amish Farmer: It's not in the Bible.
Detective Ron Harris: What DO you DO for fun?
Amish Farmer: Got 14 kids. THAT'S in the Bible.
Michael: You humans take something wonderful and ruin it just a little bit so you can have more.
Alf Stewart: He's as crooked as a dog's hind leg.
Rochelle Rock: I'm gonna slap the black off you.
The Cat Who Cried Wolf - S1-E7
Detective Gordon Katsumoto: Why are you following me?
Thomas Magnum: Uh...
Detective Gordon Katsumoto: Word of advice: if you wanna tail someone, don't do it in a red Ferrari. (00:30:00)
Deputy Travis Junior: Getting two tickets to an execution is like getting two tickets to NASCAR, except you know Jeff Gordon's gonna die.
[A bomb in Wadsworth's room is seconds from going off, causing the Chancellor to panic].
Chancellor: Please, please let me out. In the name of God, let me out. Let me out! Let me out!
Wadsworth: Yes, Chancellor. In the name of God, I will let you out.
Earthanasia AKA The End of the World Show - S7-E6
Bill: Christmases come, Christmases go. They're all the ruddy same - no one ever remembers them.
Inspector Grim: It's my arse on the line and I don't want a cock-up!
Nick Miller: You're a freaking gold digger, Jess.
Jess: Do you think that if I were a gold digger, I'd be interested in you? I would be the worst gold digger in the world.
DCS Christopher Foyle: The uniform suits you.
Andrew Foyle: Thanks. I wish I could say the same about your dressing gown.
Yankee White - S1-E1
Gibbs: I heard you quit, Agent Todd.
Kate Todd: Happy news travels fast. Yes, I resigned. It was the right thing to do.
Gibbs: Yep. Pull that crap at NCIS, I won't give you a chance to resign.
Kate Todd: Is that a job offer?
John Bacchus: You're under arrest.
George Gently: He's under arrest, when I say he is.
Sonny Crockett: I get these occasional urges for stability in my life.
Mike: Where's Vyvyan?
Rik: Well, he said he was going inside to water his plant. Strange that such a ruthless and sadistic maniac as Vyvyan should care for a begonia. Must have had it two years now.
Mike: And it was dead when he got it.
Rik: Yes... Still, give him his credit - he's watered it every day!
Mike: Only because he can't be bothered to go upstairs to the lavatory.
Dick Dastardly: Wake up, Muttley! You're dreaming again! / You're not Robin Hood, and you're not Gunga Din! / You're not a brave knight, or a king that's been crowned / You're just plain old Muttley, the snickering hound.
1337: Well... I'm one heck of a mama myself.
Stephen Fry: When I was seventeen I had already tried fourteen different jobs, married twice, fathered many many many many children, eaten a perfectly enormous quantity of food over a long time period, been weaned off six types of class A dangerous drug, given up smoking, taken it up again, given it up again, taken it up again, given taking it up and taken giving it up again and again and again and again. By the time I was twenty, alcohol had never passed my lips, yet I was a reckless and predatory alcoholic: my life was in pieces, my marriages were shattered, my children lay in ruins, I was paying alimony along the sinuses, behind the dark interior passages of the skull and through the nose. But at thirty, at thirty came the chance to redeem a bin-liner of broken promises. If I didn't take that chance what would I be? What would I become? Just another friendless acid spot on the back buttock of a weeping society. So I took it, took the chance, picked up the ball and ran, went for it, threw caution to the teeth of the gale, never looked back, just keep running, I did it. Forget the past, there's nothing there, not even memories, just a road you never travelled unwinding backwards to a place you never came from, where fruit grows on trees you never climbed, in an orchard where you lost your virginity to a boy called Timothy who died of Horlicks poisoning before you were born. No answers there...
Hugh Laurie: tephen, Stephen, Stephen, Stephen.
Stephen Fry: Yes?
Hugh Laurie: Go and have a lie down.
Stephen Fry: OK. [walks off.].
Cat Grant: All four of you standing there doing nothing, you look like the attractive yet non-threatening, racially diverse cast of a CW show.