Barely Legal - S5-E8
Connie: You know, Meg, there's no dogs allowed. So, you're going to have to leave. But Brian can stay.
Brian Griffin: You know, Connie, I think I have this theory about why you're such a bitch.
Connie: Excuse me?
Meg Griffin: Brian, let's just go.
Brian Griffin: No, no, no, no, no, no. Hang on a minute, Meg, hang on. You see, Connie, you're popular because you developed early and started giving handjobs when you were twelve. But now you can't stand to look in the mirror because all you see is a whore. So you pick on Meg to avoid the inevitable realization that once your body's used up by age nineteen, you're gonna be a worn out chalky skinned burlap sack that even your own stepdad won't want. How is that? Am I in the ballpark?
[Connie runs off crying].
Dying For Pie / Imitation Krabs - S2-E6
Mr. Krabs: What's the most important rule here?
Spongebob: No free napkins?
Mr. Krabs: No, the other most important rule!
Spongebob: Only discuss the secret formula with Mr Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: As long as you do that, the formula is safe.
Squidward: I thought the most important rule was why do today what you can put off for tomorrow?
Mr. Krabs: But what's today, but yesterday's tomorrow?
Squidward: What?
My Problem With Popplers (a.k.a. The Problem With Popplers) - S2-E18
Fry/Bender: Pop a Poppler in your mouth, When you come to Fishy Joe's, What they're made of is a mystery, Where they come from, no one knows. You can pick 'em, you can lick 'em, You can chew 'em, you can stick 'em, And if you promise not to sue us, You can shove one up your nose.
President Josiah Bartlet: What's next?
Cordelia: You want I should distract him? Make with the nice-nice while you slip by?
Angel: Don't be stupid. I'm that guy and the most beautiful woman I've ever seen is making eyes at me? It's either a bachelor party or a scam.
Cordelia: What did you just call me?
Angel: I'm sorry. You're not stupid.
Cordelia: No, after that.
Yokas: Forgot how many personal things I tell you. Guess I forgot how much I talk to you. You know? Because you weren't there for me to talk to. I miss you, Bosco.
Dr. Huang: I'm conflicted about labeling a ten year old a psychopath. But...
Don Cragen: "But"?
Dr. Huang: I've had a chill like that two times in my life. With death row serial killers.
Courage: There's something fishy goin' on here, or my name is Stinky Looloo, and thank goodness it's not.
Tony Soprano: Oh, poor baby. What do you want, a Whitman's Sampler?
Denny Blood: Oi, posh bitch. Is "arseholes" all one word?
Monica Lindsey: No, it's hyphenated. As in "arse-licker"
Sydney Fox: I'm talking about something much more serious than a curse! I'm talking about a crazy woman in a bustier.
Linda La Hughes: There aint no such thing as bisexuality, it's just greediness.
Papa Lazarou: Oh. You're my wife now.
Rika: I don't get it. Where could he have gone?
Henry: Not too far I imagine. Looks like he was hurt pretty bad.
Rika: It's his own fault. It wouldn't have been so bad if he had a partner.
Henry: Rika... you do have a heart.
Michael: Whoever sent us down here was smart, you know? Because they sent us together, and as long as we stick together, we're gonna make it.
Roger Smith: People are not ruled by their memories.
Interior Decorator: Usually I'm so perceptive of people. Come on... what's changed?
Maxine: Two weeks ago my fiancée died of a heart attack 48 hours before we were to be wed. Also, I've cut my hair.
Merton: From an old legend, and the third season of Buffy.
Helen: He's going to the center of the Earth. You get dizzy on the botton rung of a ladder.
Jonas Lytton: Not the bottom rung.